I have to
The mind goes lost for the day and the hour of which rolls away. Time stood still. Just that one day. That one moment. Yet even today it clings to the nerves of my soul. Stinging me all the way down to my core.
Yet I know I got what I deserved. It went straight to the heart of me. As though the stabbing of a no. I got that understanding. Yet I.. well I thought I was helping only to realize that so much is still broken.
I can't help that anymore. I have to leap forward to today and look at the brighter side of things. I can't let my past even one day, yesterday, churn up badness inside of me. Granted a bit of evil or naughty is allowed but I must see the goodness of all this.
I must keep holding my head high not because of pride but because of freedom.
And that is the strength I have. Freedom. My beauty within reigns high but only inside. I smile. I even cry. And some days I break. Yet it is the breaking that helps mold this person I am. Its the part that the tears clean up.
This is how I have to be. I know all the things in the past will hurt if I remember too deep. But if I let go, as I have done so many parts of it, I see the beauty in it. Good and bad. Yes there can be bad beauty. Its more of the light that is pressed there.
Artificial but still semi beneficial.
Each time I start to bend towards breaking I have to recall the goodness of all of it. Not the sadness of loss. For whatever is lost can be found again, yes?
So even though some parts of me still break and I still cry I am healing. And I search for what is lost. Even though many times than not the door is locked. I still even hesitate to knock. Inside my heart beats overtime. And the brain pumps too hard. But I stand there wanting to say something but what.
Alas my search doesn't end at a locked door. It just means I have to be patient. Waiting for the right time to knock. Yet I admit I am still unnerved. Still broken but I can still cling to hope that my searching does open the door.
I can only dream of that for now.
Something I will take. I have to lean into believing that it is possible, someday.
Friendships fade. Then they rage. Then they fall. But the best thing is that if it is true then it will fly high and sing freedom.
A hope. Even for these broken pieces of me. That they are possibly a good puzzle just mixed up.
I have to believe. Am I wrong?
Yet I know I got what I deserved. It went straight to the heart of me. As though the stabbing of a no. I got that understanding. Yet I.. well I thought I was helping only to realize that so much is still broken.
I can't help that anymore. I have to leap forward to today and look at the brighter side of things. I can't let my past even one day, yesterday, churn up badness inside of me. Granted a bit of evil or naughty is allowed but I must see the goodness of all this.
I must keep holding my head high not because of pride but because of freedom.
And that is the strength I have. Freedom. My beauty within reigns high but only inside. I smile. I even cry. And some days I break. Yet it is the breaking that helps mold this person I am. Its the part that the tears clean up.
This is how I have to be. I know all the things in the past will hurt if I remember too deep. But if I let go, as I have done so many parts of it, I see the beauty in it. Good and bad. Yes there can be bad beauty. Its more of the light that is pressed there.
Artificial but still semi beneficial.
Each time I start to bend towards breaking I have to recall the goodness of all of it. Not the sadness of loss. For whatever is lost can be found again, yes?
So even though some parts of me still break and I still cry I am healing. And I search for what is lost. Even though many times than not the door is locked. I still even hesitate to knock. Inside my heart beats overtime. And the brain pumps too hard. But I stand there wanting to say something but what.
Alas my search doesn't end at a locked door. It just means I have to be patient. Waiting for the right time to knock. Yet I admit I am still unnerved. Still broken but I can still cling to hope that my searching does open the door.
I can only dream of that for now.
Something I will take. I have to lean into believing that it is possible, someday.
Friendships fade. Then they rage. Then they fall. But the best thing is that if it is true then it will fly high and sing freedom.
A hope. Even for these broken pieces of me. That they are possibly a good puzzle just mixed up.
I have to believe. Am I wrong?
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