Poem changed
Its interesting how I wrote this long poem but was madder than the hatter in Alice in wonderland. And I come back to it in a calmer voice. Realizing I just can't shake how people treat other people. Beyond the border of being this rude and condescending. Much more into the aspect of denial.
Yet as much as I was livid in the aspect I just erased the whole poem. It served no purpose but to show my anger. What good would that be towards anyone. Nothing. Especially all those involved in this mess.
I just spoke to a young lady who was raised in the truth but never made it her own. She said to me that I need to find my way. It was the best ENCOURAGEMENT I had had in a couple of months. She only knows me from work and that is showing something.
That is remarkable how she told me that she goes on occasion to the meetings but told me that I should take my time, find myself and where Jehovah wants me to be. It was just the thing I needed.
Then to see that part of me so angry with people. I loved how she told me that maybe finding my way back in a new location will help me. That was good to hear.
Even more so was the fact that I will always be the blame. There will never be the other girl's name listed. So I understand that is how "old" families treat new people. Families that grew up in the truth hold more grit than those coming in.
I understand that. Hence why I never went back to church. It was the same story just different religion. So if you are wondering. Yeah it hurt not going to the meeting but it felt good to be able to say I need space.
Sure I will fall away for a while. Yet what is the best thing is that I will be found again.
Even more how much I am capable of standing on my own two feet. I don't back down. So sure right now everyone is winning and winning big but I will too in my own way.
Unlike others, I don't pretend to do things anymore. I gave up on people, trust and love. Yet not my love for Jehovah. SO sure people can sit there and say I blame God for thing but then if you say that you never knew me. I don't have any reason to blame God. Jehovah did nothing but excellence for me and for all around him. So no. I don't blame him for anything.
In fact I am so grateful for everything that has been answered.
Yet my face will not be graced here.
Jehovah knows my mind and heart. He knows what I am doing. So he knows what my head is spinning and where I am going.
That I am happy about.
I soar because of him.
I am free because of him. And I will find him again.
Just not here.
Yet as much as I was livid in the aspect I just erased the whole poem. It served no purpose but to show my anger. What good would that be towards anyone. Nothing. Especially all those involved in this mess.
I just spoke to a young lady who was raised in the truth but never made it her own. She said to me that I need to find my way. It was the best ENCOURAGEMENT I had had in a couple of months. She only knows me from work and that is showing something.
That is remarkable how she told me that she goes on occasion to the meetings but told me that I should take my time, find myself and where Jehovah wants me to be. It was just the thing I needed.
Then to see that part of me so angry with people. I loved how she told me that maybe finding my way back in a new location will help me. That was good to hear.
Even more so was the fact that I will always be the blame. There will never be the other girl's name listed. So I understand that is how "old" families treat new people. Families that grew up in the truth hold more grit than those coming in.
I understand that. Hence why I never went back to church. It was the same story just different religion. So if you are wondering. Yeah it hurt not going to the meeting but it felt good to be able to say I need space.
Sure I will fall away for a while. Yet what is the best thing is that I will be found again.
Even more how much I am capable of standing on my own two feet. I don't back down. So sure right now everyone is winning and winning big but I will too in my own way.
Unlike others, I don't pretend to do things anymore. I gave up on people, trust and love. Yet not my love for Jehovah. SO sure people can sit there and say I blame God for thing but then if you say that you never knew me. I don't have any reason to blame God. Jehovah did nothing but excellence for me and for all around him. So no. I don't blame him for anything.
In fact I am so grateful for everything that has been answered.
Yet my face will not be graced here.
Jehovah knows my mind and heart. He knows what I am doing. So he knows what my head is spinning and where I am going.
That I am happy about.
I soar because of him.
I am free because of him. And I will find him again.
Just not here.
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