What is honor to me
It is odd that I spoke about respect just last night when I had no idea the Watchtower was over it. Many questions came up during the reading of the lesson. Many questions drain down to the fact that we are imperfect men and women so how can I give "due" respect and honor to those that Jehovah placed to know me?
That is the hard part in my life. I don't trust people. I especially don't trust men. So how can I give honor to a man I cannot trust? I have absolutely no admiration in depth for certain men so how can I look to them for council?
I trust only Jehovah. So how can I give the respect and honor that is commanded? I mean respect is to admire deeply, someone or something, as a result of their abilities, qualities or achievements. There are so few men I admire. So how would I be able to give it to those men that are "guiding" the flock within the congregation?
How can I stand here and be capable of giving them honor when I don't even trust them? I mean I know I would be hurting Jehovah for the disrespect of who he has chosen but this has to be the area I must work on the most.
For there were only three men in my lifetime I admired, respected and give great honor to asides from Jehovah, God and Jesus Christ. So how can I learn to give honor to those other men? The first paragraph has an ending question that still sits inside of me today. Whom should we honor, and why is such honor merited? Why are such men deserving or worthy of honor?
I stood back and thought on that. Of the three men I respect and honor in my lifetime I see their struggles, their strength to overcome and still end up being loving in the whole mess. Those are the types of men I see worthy of honor, deserving of honor from me.
Though what do you think honor is? Who do you think is worthy, deserving of honor and respect, deep admiration? Who?
I then began to think of Jehovah and all he has created, all his qualities and his forgiveness. I give great honor to him. I give thanks to Jehovah every day either in a prayer or just a tiny whisper. Yet does that make me trust in the men he has placed as shepherds in this congregation, no. I can't seem to break off how much Jehovah forgives and how man has to rehash, how they have to be a façade of what Jehovah wants.
Yes we are imperfect. Yes there is gray matter in many situations. Yes there is our choices and such but really look into your lives and tell me where you are close to every commandment. You can't say you are close. The only ones that are close are the children of the congregation. They are the closest to the commandments.
And still I wonder back to am I disappointing Jehovah in questioning whether I should trust in these men? Yes I still ask myself that. Part of the reason why I begged to be disfellowshipped. I saw no love for these men. Even when people said they were busy men. So much on their plates. I had no respect for them. Telling me they were busy men just made me think of my father. Busy. Busy. Busy. And not paying attention to those little sheep that were wandering off. Then when they were so far off impending danger, its almost like they were too busy to search for me.
That just told me that there is no love there. That if I had problems I had to search for them. Had that been what was necessary then why was I even given the opportunity to be a part of the flock? I thought that it was part of their jobs, duty to look after the wandering ones. I suppose not.
So it prompts me to question whether I can give honor, respect and deep admiration to men in the congregation, at all. See that shouldn't be a weight of concern pressing my shoulders down. That should be the openness available. Yet we are all imperfect men and women.
I shall just lay the honor where it belongs -- to Jehovah and his son Jesus Christ.
And for men deserving and worthy of honor, I have yet to see that. You show me men in this congregation that have that, then I will give the respect and honor deserving.
Until then I just keep asking myself questions that keep me focused on how to please Jehovah. As for those men in the congregation, yet one or two, I don't see any such in deep admiration of their trials and strengths of how they pulled through and still had a loving personality even afterwards.
So pardon my negativity but that is just something I have yet to see in this place. I cannot give honor to those who I don't trust. And there is no man I trust.
That is the hard part in my life. I don't trust people. I especially don't trust men. So how can I give honor to a man I cannot trust? I have absolutely no admiration in depth for certain men so how can I look to them for council?
I trust only Jehovah. So how can I give the respect and honor that is commanded? I mean respect is to admire deeply, someone or something, as a result of their abilities, qualities or achievements. There are so few men I admire. So how would I be able to give it to those men that are "guiding" the flock within the congregation?
How can I stand here and be capable of giving them honor when I don't even trust them? I mean I know I would be hurting Jehovah for the disrespect of who he has chosen but this has to be the area I must work on the most.
For there were only three men in my lifetime I admired, respected and give great honor to asides from Jehovah, God and Jesus Christ. So how can I learn to give honor to those other men? The first paragraph has an ending question that still sits inside of me today. Whom should we honor, and why is such honor merited? Why are such men deserving or worthy of honor?
I stood back and thought on that. Of the three men I respect and honor in my lifetime I see their struggles, their strength to overcome and still end up being loving in the whole mess. Those are the types of men I see worthy of honor, deserving of honor from me.
Though what do you think honor is? Who do you think is worthy, deserving of honor and respect, deep admiration? Who?
I then began to think of Jehovah and all he has created, all his qualities and his forgiveness. I give great honor to him. I give thanks to Jehovah every day either in a prayer or just a tiny whisper. Yet does that make me trust in the men he has placed as shepherds in this congregation, no. I can't seem to break off how much Jehovah forgives and how man has to rehash, how they have to be a façade of what Jehovah wants.
Yes we are imperfect. Yes there is gray matter in many situations. Yes there is our choices and such but really look into your lives and tell me where you are close to every commandment. You can't say you are close. The only ones that are close are the children of the congregation. They are the closest to the commandments.
And still I wonder back to am I disappointing Jehovah in questioning whether I should trust in these men? Yes I still ask myself that. Part of the reason why I begged to be disfellowshipped. I saw no love for these men. Even when people said they were busy men. So much on their plates. I had no respect for them. Telling me they were busy men just made me think of my father. Busy. Busy. Busy. And not paying attention to those little sheep that were wandering off. Then when they were so far off impending danger, its almost like they were too busy to search for me.
That just told me that there is no love there. That if I had problems I had to search for them. Had that been what was necessary then why was I even given the opportunity to be a part of the flock? I thought that it was part of their jobs, duty to look after the wandering ones. I suppose not.
So it prompts me to question whether I can give honor, respect and deep admiration to men in the congregation, at all. See that shouldn't be a weight of concern pressing my shoulders down. That should be the openness available. Yet we are all imperfect men and women.
I shall just lay the honor where it belongs -- to Jehovah and his son Jesus Christ.
And for men deserving and worthy of honor, I have yet to see that. You show me men in this congregation that have that, then I will give the respect and honor deserving.
Until then I just keep asking myself questions that keep me focused on how to please Jehovah. As for those men in the congregation, yet one or two, I don't see any such in deep admiration of their trials and strengths of how they pulled through and still had a loving personality even afterwards.
So pardon my negativity but that is just something I have yet to see in this place. I cannot give honor to those who I don't trust. And there is no man I trust.
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