Roles we play in people's lives

The roles that we play in people's lives, do they matter? Of course they do. Yet whether it was good or bad we still learn from all places.

I have to admit that this lesson I learned was that I was so grateful to have fallen into love with someone. Granted it was all one sided and many twists and turns. But I learned so much about myself that I don't want to go back and do ever again.

I lied to myself and so many others just to HOPE one day that I would be the reason someone wanted to leave for love. Yet that is the romantic in me. A hope of silliness. Even more so were the things I did, even lied about to maintain a possibility of holding onto this man.

I shake my head in disbelief that I snuck and sunk that low to cling to a person. Yet I learned SO MUCH from him. Many good things. Some bad things. Some deadly things. Yet I still am grateful for all that I chose to do.

I needed these lessons in order to prevail my next ordeal in life. So who is to blame but myself. I was a fool in hoping. Yet even now I still hope that he is getting along well. Perhaps that should not be allowed or should not be felt but that is just a part of me.

There is so much honesty inside me. The teachings I gained from all the years. I am blessed with have been in this position. Oh how people might find that statement demented but if you look at the glimmer of light in the whole situation, you too will see that you were blessed.

Sure I am sorry for what I did in the aspect of breaking up people but was I really breaking up anything that wasn't already severed? I don't know. That is not the question I have to hold in my heart. The question I have to hold onto is there a way of redeeming myself with Jehovah.

That is the process I am pursuing now.

And where has the process gotten? Well don't ask me. Pray to God about it. He is the only one that knows right now. Even I don't know.

So yeah I played a role. A nasty role in separating people. Dividing people. Yet I was not the only one. He did. Several others did. And still the lesson in this truth is that I was willing. I did so much openly to please. I understand that. Hence the decisions that were made.

Then onward, though, where am I now in hopes with him. Oh only that he doesn't make anyone else hide their feelings for him. I pray that he lets whoever he loves now, claim it to the world. That is my only hope.

Sure I would love to ask why but these days that doesn't even waver in my mind. It is more like the hope of peace. I don't want to be scared of accidentally being in a location and bumping into him, feeling like I invaded his territory. I just want to live.

These days that is all that I care about. All that matters is that I keep holding honesty inside of me and moving forward. So yes I loved. But now I have learned to let go. I just want whoever is in his line, to not be scared to be a woman, fierce with love. Not that I care to see groping or whatnot in public but to see him, them feeling like it isn't forbidden to be really genuine with each other.

That is what I wanted with him. I never got it but I used this lesson so I can move on and know that the next man that steps into my life will want me fully. Uninhibited.

Strong hopes I know. For me for him and for myself. Separately.

I just know the roles we played were a wonderful life experience, decadent lesson and a grand affair of misguided people.

I think that is the best role I could have introduced into someone's life. I don't know about you but it was one worth remembering. And letting go.