All that matters is I am honest with myself
One lesson about me that others really don't know is that I am very straightforward. I had to "hide" that part of me for so long. The idea of never really getting to break free from the mold that was holding me down, was hard.
The biggest thing I miss is not being afraid of who I am, what I become. Never backing down from the challenges I faced. Even now I have moments where I just have to say enough is enough. Yet I am not scared anymore. Not afraid of being me.
How could that be wrong? Sure I kept my mouth shut on so many instances inside the congregation. I kept where people would ask me questions that I knew I should answer and yet what happens to those who are on the other end? I only become a gossip.
The one type of person I hated the most is those who just couldn't learn to keep their traps shut. The talkers, the gossipers, the heated discussion men and women. Those are the people I tried my hardest to stay away from.
Even worse is when I tried to match their gossip, add in the juicy detail. WHAT had I become, just so people would like me?
I was so ashamed. Then a few times I was very straightforward with people and I get called cold hearted and insensitive. Wow. No if you wanted to know the reality of the situation you should never have asked what I thought nor observed. That only harms you in so many ways.
Even more than me missing the straightforwardness was the ability to walk completely away from those attention seeking people. UGH those are the worst types of people. What is even worse is the ones who know they are doing it and add to it.
Need I rant more, No.
So now I am not afraid of speaking up. I get so tired of people walking all over me. Thinking I am some docile little plant or bunny. Come on now.
What is even more is that I even "hid" myself for so long. For what reason, for the sake of love? For the sake of private meetings? WHAT?
I might be wrong and even treading on thin ice with some people but no longer will I ever need to hide my relationships with people. I have learned that no man is worth it and no friendship with a woman will ever be worthwhile of secrets.
Needless to say I really won't ever trust the women that don't have a clue about me, even worse the ones that hide themselves for a relationship. I did that for too long, twice. I learned by being burned.
And excuse me there is NO SUCH as no pictures when a man says that. More often than not they have shared your pictures with other females that they are seeing. So NEVER send anything but a smiling photo, fully dressed.
So yeah I have had my share of crap. So forgive the moments when someone asks me about my experiences. Straightforward you will get. Unfiltered.
Like me or hate me. I know who I am now. Honest with myself.
The biggest thing I miss is not being afraid of who I am, what I become. Never backing down from the challenges I faced. Even now I have moments where I just have to say enough is enough. Yet I am not scared anymore. Not afraid of being me.
How could that be wrong? Sure I kept my mouth shut on so many instances inside the congregation. I kept where people would ask me questions that I knew I should answer and yet what happens to those who are on the other end? I only become a gossip.
The one type of person I hated the most is those who just couldn't learn to keep their traps shut. The talkers, the gossipers, the heated discussion men and women. Those are the people I tried my hardest to stay away from.
Even worse is when I tried to match their gossip, add in the juicy detail. WHAT had I become, just so people would like me?
I was so ashamed. Then a few times I was very straightforward with people and I get called cold hearted and insensitive. Wow. No if you wanted to know the reality of the situation you should never have asked what I thought nor observed. That only harms you in so many ways.
Even more than me missing the straightforwardness was the ability to walk completely away from those attention seeking people. UGH those are the worst types of people. What is even worse is the ones who know they are doing it and add to it.
Need I rant more, No.
So now I am not afraid of speaking up. I get so tired of people walking all over me. Thinking I am some docile little plant or bunny. Come on now.
What is even more is that I even "hid" myself for so long. For what reason, for the sake of love? For the sake of private meetings? WHAT?
I might be wrong and even treading on thin ice with some people but no longer will I ever need to hide my relationships with people. I have learned that no man is worth it and no friendship with a woman will ever be worthwhile of secrets.
Needless to say I really won't ever trust the women that don't have a clue about me, even worse the ones that hide themselves for a relationship. I did that for too long, twice. I learned by being burned.
And excuse me there is NO SUCH as no pictures when a man says that. More often than not they have shared your pictures with other females that they are seeing. So NEVER send anything but a smiling photo, fully dressed.
So yeah I have had my share of crap. So forgive the moments when someone asks me about my experiences. Straightforward you will get. Unfiltered.
Like me or hate me. I know who I am now. Honest with myself.
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