Writing

Waking this morning still the routine of  writing down what was main thoughts inside my mind in is always necessary to take the stress and release the calm. 

So thankful to be doing that since April. It has helped my spirit be free of the anger, anxiety, pain and any other weights that are suppressing me. Just genuine love that explodes. 

Even more elevated today is my hope to remain at a pace. Long hours of work and for several day. I don't know how I did it in my past, four jobs, taking care of children and husband. Probably that reason of insomnia.  Twelve years of insomnia can kill a person. 

Yet that, too, is part of my past. Tomorrow my son will be more and more of an adult. Even more so is the memory of how much of his and his sister's life I have missed. Yet choices are made for survival. Only question I have for myself was I so selfish in getting away that I should have tried harder to tear the kids away and take them with me? 

Hindsight always kicks us, good or bad. My depth inside of me is grateful to live but I chide myself multiple times daily for not getting to see my children. And now, here they are grown before my eyes.

One of the many things that roll inside my head. Daily places the concern in my leather bound lined pages. 

So duly noted, though, this morning is how cool it still is. Thoroughly in room and outside.  Chilled but grateful of opening my eyes. So thankful of gaining one more day. I just know that I have several things to be done today. 

All in hopes that things will grand soon rather than later but I don't control the outcome, I can just place my faith and apply myself where I can. The only way I can be involved in the results.

Such a whirlwind inside my head. So much that it needs to be said on paper. And still the hour long journey I took this morning just has me in awe of the magnitude of my mind.  So many times a day I write. Not necessarily do they grace the electronic wavelengths.  Most of what I say is left on lines so that the weights are removed.

It's the kindness of a prayer. Finding myself writing a prayer log of the blessings, concerns and goals I have. Even all the odd dreams I repeatedly have. 

Going back through the journals I can see the repeats and look at the slight differences that occur. It's grand to see what changes in my mind of concern. 

This morning, on my way to work I had to have my voice heard. Who reads, who digs into their minds about what I wrote I do not know. Nor does it matter because I have explored so many parts of my mind today already.

It's goodness for sure. So good morning people.