Nonsense at five am
I wake from dream after dream. Nonsense in all its extremes. The brutality of watching roles played and can do nothing but stare. Though the only thing I am upset about is the thundering in my chest.
My actually heart is beating like a drum preparing for high battle. Yet I am not. Though it may appear that I am looking for one, by far no.
No convincing myself a door of opportunity and more sleep is just around the next bend. Wide awake, very alert of the morning.
Less than my "normal" amount of sleep. Plus the strange pull inside my head.
I am grateful to be awake though just two more hours would have been nice. I cannot complain considering yesterday was a grand confusing day. People accusing and not so much of interfering in their lives. It was odd but I pulled through. All in the fact of I was innocent in the act. I was just stating my life.
In sadness that sometimes people must compare. Please don't. I don't know you nor do you know me but what is told to you about me. We don't talk. We don't even bump into each other.
And if I ever did I would be very happy you are loving life.
So a five am wake up call had me saying these words out loud. Screaming them, only to get my point across. Clearly I am battling with people I don't even think about. And ones I do think about I am very content in NOT having in my life.
I just have dream after dream, memory after memory roll inside my mind only to help me understand and learn from it.
Clarity this early in the morning is a grand expression of love from Jehovah. I am grateful and very thankful because I tire of battling an invisible force.
Now to understand what, who I am up against I can just walk away. It is nice to clear all of it away so I can finally live.
I hid my religion from everyone I met these days. Surprisingly it was nice to say I was a disfellowshipped Jehovah's Witness. It helped to be able to say I still read, I still do research when I am curious about something.
To do this feels as though if someone doesn't like the whole parts of me, then it was just going to hard at first but I am capable of enduring. All because they weren't meant to be in my life.
So here is to a surprising wake up so early in the morning. Kindness from Jehovah for allowing me one more day to learn, live. I am am grateful. What about you?
My actually heart is beating like a drum preparing for high battle. Yet I am not. Though it may appear that I am looking for one, by far no.
No convincing myself a door of opportunity and more sleep is just around the next bend. Wide awake, very alert of the morning.
Less than my "normal" amount of sleep. Plus the strange pull inside my head.
I am grateful to be awake though just two more hours would have been nice. I cannot complain considering yesterday was a grand confusing day. People accusing and not so much of interfering in their lives. It was odd but I pulled through. All in the fact of I was innocent in the act. I was just stating my life.
In sadness that sometimes people must compare. Please don't. I don't know you nor do you know me but what is told to you about me. We don't talk. We don't even bump into each other.
And if I ever did I would be very happy you are loving life.
So a five am wake up call had me saying these words out loud. Screaming them, only to get my point across. Clearly I am battling with people I don't even think about. And ones I do think about I am very content in NOT having in my life.
I just have dream after dream, memory after memory roll inside my mind only to help me understand and learn from it.
Clarity this early in the morning is a grand expression of love from Jehovah. I am grateful and very thankful because I tire of battling an invisible force.
Now to understand what, who I am up against I can just walk away. It is nice to clear all of it away so I can finally live.
I hid my religion from everyone I met these days. Surprisingly it was nice to say I was a disfellowshipped Jehovah's Witness. It helped to be able to say I still read, I still do research when I am curious about something.
To do this feels as though if someone doesn't like the whole parts of me, then it was just going to hard at first but I am capable of enduring. All because they weren't meant to be in my life.
So here is to a surprising wake up so early in the morning. Kindness from Jehovah for allowing me one more day to learn, live. I am am grateful. What about you?
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