The gift giving gene
When you realize your worth and who you are nothing really stops you but yourself. The allowances you give people are what you can tolerate. Some people you hand over your life for and others you toss because they are not seeing the beauty of your sacrifices for them.
Those are the ones I just have great sorrow over. Not because I feel torn about something or they lost an opportunity. No it just shows that my giving was not enough. That somewhere deeper inside their spirit they search for something and I wasn't the answer.
Sure it hurts some times when you look back over precious and troubling times but it was worth so much when I gave that, that is the joy. So I just try my hardest to maintain some responsible prayer to help guide them to where they need too be. No matter how far they have to dig nor how far they have to grow to stand on their own, knowing themselves deeply I still support them where I can.
Yet how do I? Prayers. Lots of them. Through inadvertently giving business where it isn't known from me. I keep myself far from the crowds. I know where I need to be. I get me. That is all that matters. Even more so is that I went through true therapy to find myself.
Oh my what I found. Even more is that I found I am a survivor in so many aspects of life that even with the greatest assaults of my life, where I should be dead already, I still stand. Funny isn't It?
No matter how far I go into the darkest corners I still know how to turn around. Though with the people I was not made for, well I have been told that I can survive their losses too.
At times I scream inside, wanting to talk face to face to those people but I recognize they would hear nothing from me. They are blind and deaf in all aspects of their lives.
Yet I really can't let that be my weight. I tried being something for them. I tried so hard and I broke myself in a thousand pieces trying to please. I only gained pain from those lessons.
And I survived their games. Such a weak accomplishment to recognize. Yet I know I allowed so much to happen. Even more so is the hopes and dreams I had.
But today, I learned I am different than what people want. I am unique in the aspect I don't lay down to die. I just keep fighting for the light in this darkened world.
What about you? Where do you search for yourself? What do you find? Not everything found is good, but do you learn from what is there?
The only weight I have is upon myself. This weight -- was the giving worth anything? Yes. Everything I give, good, bad or ugly still merits a conversation. Yet knowing that, the only conversations I have are with Jehovah and how to grow.
For that is the greatest sorrow I felt, was that of losing myself loving some too much. But I gained a world of insight. So I am not mad. Not even angry. Just hopeful that one day I can give again.
Who knows. My journey has already begun and I am further into my new book. Who knows what the next chapter brings. All I know is that joy is settling quite well inside my spirit. And my life is going to places I never thought it would - good and bad. Yet I am enjoying the experiences.
How about you?
Those are the ones I just have great sorrow over. Not because I feel torn about something or they lost an opportunity. No it just shows that my giving was not enough. That somewhere deeper inside their spirit they search for something and I wasn't the answer.
Sure it hurts some times when you look back over precious and troubling times but it was worth so much when I gave that, that is the joy. So I just try my hardest to maintain some responsible prayer to help guide them to where they need too be. No matter how far they have to dig nor how far they have to grow to stand on their own, knowing themselves deeply I still support them where I can.
Yet how do I? Prayers. Lots of them. Through inadvertently giving business where it isn't known from me. I keep myself far from the crowds. I know where I need to be. I get me. That is all that matters. Even more so is that I went through true therapy to find myself.
Oh my what I found. Even more is that I found I am a survivor in so many aspects of life that even with the greatest assaults of my life, where I should be dead already, I still stand. Funny isn't It?
No matter how far I go into the darkest corners I still know how to turn around. Though with the people I was not made for, well I have been told that I can survive their losses too.
At times I scream inside, wanting to talk face to face to those people but I recognize they would hear nothing from me. They are blind and deaf in all aspects of their lives.
Yet I really can't let that be my weight. I tried being something for them. I tried so hard and I broke myself in a thousand pieces trying to please. I only gained pain from those lessons.
And I survived their games. Such a weak accomplishment to recognize. Yet I know I allowed so much to happen. Even more so is the hopes and dreams I had.
But today, I learned I am different than what people want. I am unique in the aspect I don't lay down to die. I just keep fighting for the light in this darkened world.
What about you? Where do you search for yourself? What do you find? Not everything found is good, but do you learn from what is there?
The only weight I have is upon myself. This weight -- was the giving worth anything? Yes. Everything I give, good, bad or ugly still merits a conversation. Yet knowing that, the only conversations I have are with Jehovah and how to grow.
For that is the greatest sorrow I felt, was that of losing myself loving some too much. But I gained a world of insight. So I am not mad. Not even angry. Just hopeful that one day I can give again.
Who knows. My journey has already begun and I am further into my new book. Who knows what the next chapter brings. All I know is that joy is settling quite well inside my spirit. And my life is going to places I never thought it would - good and bad. Yet I am enjoying the experiences.
How about you?
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