A tossed look back
Looking back over times gone just helps me to see just how far I have come. Especially to gain the perspective I want to have to carry myself through the rest of my life.
Now I know my decisions are not kosher to others and the things I have done are not well liked but did anyone ever bother to think that I did it for a reason?
Sure plenty of stares or appalling faces and yet none once thought that maybe there are answers. Granted my behavior isn't justified in my statements. It is just food for thought. I have come to know what I did and have done had many repercussions and I accepted them every step of the way.
Even down to the day I walked away from the kingdom hall. Not stepping back in until I was ready to restart my relationship with Jehovah and his people. I learned reading the bible and doing my own research was good. As well as the being silent in the crashes. I learned that stepping away helped me learn what was important. And on the day I went back, I felt anxious and scared but it was the best feeling ever.
To actually know why I chose to come back. Now that is the reasons for me to understand and Jehovah to expand on. As for where and when I am completely back, that is my growth process,my journey to walk. No one else's. And even if people are there to rush me back, I must say, step back. Every step I take is to deepen who I am in Jehovah's eyes.
So much of me thought it was imperative that I go back but I didn't feel the need to rush. I was finding out who I am as a single person. Truly single. No family. No attachments. And it has been a wonderful experience.
Life has brought me so rough times. And Jehovah has pulled me through. So now I am learning what is necessary to be stronger, alone. On my own and being what Jehovah wants me to be.
Best friends and supreme journeys and talks. This is what I look forward too. But within myself. Growing to be what Jehovah knew I was all along.
And today, well today is another day I can be closer.
Now I know my decisions are not kosher to others and the things I have done are not well liked but did anyone ever bother to think that I did it for a reason?
Sure plenty of stares or appalling faces and yet none once thought that maybe there are answers. Granted my behavior isn't justified in my statements. It is just food for thought. I have come to know what I did and have done had many repercussions and I accepted them every step of the way.
Even down to the day I walked away from the kingdom hall. Not stepping back in until I was ready to restart my relationship with Jehovah and his people. I learned reading the bible and doing my own research was good. As well as the being silent in the crashes. I learned that stepping away helped me learn what was important. And on the day I went back, I felt anxious and scared but it was the best feeling ever.
To actually know why I chose to come back. Now that is the reasons for me to understand and Jehovah to expand on. As for where and when I am completely back, that is my growth process,my journey to walk. No one else's. And even if people are there to rush me back, I must say, step back. Every step I take is to deepen who I am in Jehovah's eyes.
So much of me thought it was imperative that I go back but I didn't feel the need to rush. I was finding out who I am as a single person. Truly single. No family. No attachments. And it has been a wonderful experience.
Life has brought me so rough times. And Jehovah has pulled me through. So now I am learning what is necessary to be stronger, alone. On my own and being what Jehovah wants me to be.
Best friends and supreme journeys and talks. This is what I look forward too. But within myself. Growing to be what Jehovah knew I was all along.
And today, well today is another day I can be closer.
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