I still
Sorrow and pain can be a well defined hatred within all of us. Yet within me I do not hate. I close the doors on those who bring sorrow, bring pain. I even shut down my soul, my spirit and my heart. My mind still ticks away, though.
I allow so much into me. So many seen and unseen things that the weight inside my spirit can be weighed down. So much pain and despair.
Then there are the days I find myself searching for that gentle caress in the wind. The hope that springs forward when all else fails. The form of desperation calling within me for complete silence.
Not revealing the damning weakness within my spirit, heart or mind but telling my story for those who really want to know.
Sometimes that is the greatest sorrow I have. That of not really being understood. Most times I am fine with knowing I am rare and complex. Yet there are my screaming moments when I just want to be held. There I find myself squeezing tightly around my own waist.
I am not afraid of being alone. By far I have been for a long time. Yet I am not standing alone. I am only in person, one human. That is the way I mean it.
Today I have looked across a few forums and have noticed I am still loved. Just in the aspect of not being removed completely from lives. Content in what I am, what is given.
Sure I have felt great sorrow in these last few months. I have been thrown into pain in so many aspects yet the need of living surpasses everything.
As for friendships and things I bear down on saying a few have straggled through. Even in my most worst some, very few remained. I only needed one. And that in human form is gone. Yet I am living, breathing and surviving as I am supposed to.
This is my struggle. Sorrow, pain and heartache but I thrive on the light I find everywhere. And that is good.
No matter what I do I still survive. I still love. I still laugh. I still smile. That is life now.
I allow so much into me. So many seen and unseen things that the weight inside my spirit can be weighed down. So much pain and despair.
Then there are the days I find myself searching for that gentle caress in the wind. The hope that springs forward when all else fails. The form of desperation calling within me for complete silence.
Not revealing the damning weakness within my spirit, heart or mind but telling my story for those who really want to know.
Sometimes that is the greatest sorrow I have. That of not really being understood. Most times I am fine with knowing I am rare and complex. Yet there are my screaming moments when I just want to be held. There I find myself squeezing tightly around my own waist.
I am not afraid of being alone. By far I have been for a long time. Yet I am not standing alone. I am only in person, one human. That is the way I mean it.
Today I have looked across a few forums and have noticed I am still loved. Just in the aspect of not being removed completely from lives. Content in what I am, what is given.
Sure I have felt great sorrow in these last few months. I have been thrown into pain in so many aspects yet the need of living surpasses everything.
As for friendships and things I bear down on saying a few have straggled through. Even in my most worst some, very few remained. I only needed one. And that in human form is gone. Yet I am living, breathing and surviving as I am supposed to.
This is my struggle. Sorrow, pain and heartache but I thrive on the light I find everywhere. And that is good.
No matter what I do I still survive. I still love. I still laugh. I still smile. That is life now.
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