Steps I took today
Today I went through many stages. Making decisions that help me grow. So much of me says to listen to my heart and yet I don't. I wait for the logical parts of me to scream the go.
I made great leaps today that I haven't done in months. Finding my place, where do I need to go. I held so much of me at bay. Learning in my private rooms. Yet somehow the knocking on my mind cleared away the clutter and I am moving forward with some of the decisions I have prayed about.
Simple things that I never thought would be in motion, are. It's this type of greatness that I can only hold Jehovah praise to. For I could not have moved these types of mountains without him.
Granted I have a long way to go. I do not expect smooth sailings but I hope for a few less rocks in my path. So it is shown just how grateful I am to just one prayer answered.
I honestly didn't think that Jehovah heard my prayers because I was disfellowshipped. Yet now I see with prayer and application things are moving slowly. Tiny but major adjustments.
I must say I lost my meaning, my understanding of what Jesus' ransom meant to me. I was just discussing with my mother just how lost I was from baptism to now. The factor that I completely rudely displaced was the love and GIFT Jehovah gave to me.
That is where I go now. This is the area I relearn. I must let Jehovah's words settle deep inside me. Move this heart and spirit inside of me.
Though I hope that my first step is not too scary but I look forward to it. The slow hope and the gain of just listening again. Absorbing where I need and applying what is necessary.
These are the goals I dreamed of. The sloth methods of lessons. Yet to dig deep into my mind and really take hold of what Jehovah gives me. This is a grand treasure I don't want to lose.
I have to say the sister on the Congo piece in JW Broadcasting said something that struck my core "Without Jehovah our identity mark of unity would not exist". (I might have misunderstood her but I think that is what she said)
I know that it may just be something really simple but to me it was the light in that dark tunnel I have been in. Granted not all of my aspects of life was in the dark tunnel, just the spiritual one.
Hearing this it made me do what I initially did when I searched for the answer that brought me to Jehovah. Even though I did study for me and for to get to know a man. I just don't want that to be the reason anymore.
So I searched. I kept going to the next video on JW Broadcasting and the next until there were no more. This is what brought me to look for more answers, dig deeper into my bible and the Online Library.
See this is the tiny steps. So minuscule but magnificent in progress. Yet I don't expect for leaps and bounds. I only hope that one day I am accepted once more.
Yet today I took the first steps that scared me the most and it was a sigh of relief.
Simple yet powerful.
Each day is better and better. I believe that because Jehovah says so.
In logic many things are misunderstood about me. Many aspects of my life. Many parts of me are very private. Yet I am letting go pieces so people can see that Jehovah reaches out for all his lost children.
I have to hope that one day I will appreciate his gifts and come to realize no human should defer me from Jehovah's table.
Soon. One day yes. Each step is now a new beginning.
I made great leaps today that I haven't done in months. Finding my place, where do I need to go. I held so much of me at bay. Learning in my private rooms. Yet somehow the knocking on my mind cleared away the clutter and I am moving forward with some of the decisions I have prayed about.
Simple things that I never thought would be in motion, are. It's this type of greatness that I can only hold Jehovah praise to. For I could not have moved these types of mountains without him.
Granted I have a long way to go. I do not expect smooth sailings but I hope for a few less rocks in my path. So it is shown just how grateful I am to just one prayer answered.
I honestly didn't think that Jehovah heard my prayers because I was disfellowshipped. Yet now I see with prayer and application things are moving slowly. Tiny but major adjustments.
I must say I lost my meaning, my understanding of what Jesus' ransom meant to me. I was just discussing with my mother just how lost I was from baptism to now. The factor that I completely rudely displaced was the love and GIFT Jehovah gave to me.
That is where I go now. This is the area I relearn. I must let Jehovah's words settle deep inside me. Move this heart and spirit inside of me.
Though I hope that my first step is not too scary but I look forward to it. The slow hope and the gain of just listening again. Absorbing where I need and applying what is necessary.
These are the goals I dreamed of. The sloth methods of lessons. Yet to dig deep into my mind and really take hold of what Jehovah gives me. This is a grand treasure I don't want to lose.
I have to say the sister on the Congo piece in JW Broadcasting said something that struck my core "Without Jehovah our identity mark of unity would not exist". (I might have misunderstood her but I think that is what she said)
I know that it may just be something really simple but to me it was the light in that dark tunnel I have been in. Granted not all of my aspects of life was in the dark tunnel, just the spiritual one.
Hearing this it made me do what I initially did when I searched for the answer that brought me to Jehovah. Even though I did study for me and for to get to know a man. I just don't want that to be the reason anymore.
So I searched. I kept going to the next video on JW Broadcasting and the next until there were no more. This is what brought me to look for more answers, dig deeper into my bible and the Online Library.
See this is the tiny steps. So minuscule but magnificent in progress. Yet I don't expect for leaps and bounds. I only hope that one day I am accepted once more.
Yet today I took the first steps that scared me the most and it was a sigh of relief.
Simple yet powerful.
Each day is better and better. I believe that because Jehovah says so.
In logic many things are misunderstood about me. Many aspects of my life. Many parts of me are very private. Yet I am letting go pieces so people can see that Jehovah reaches out for all his lost children.
I have to hope that one day I will appreciate his gifts and come to realize no human should defer me from Jehovah's table.
Soon. One day yes. Each step is now a new beginning.
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