Opening into the afternoon
When you finally stop dreaming and talking to people in your sleep the nudge to finally call the morning activities opened, yay reaches this height inside you.
Then the long forgotten coffee doesn't sound appealing anymore. Then you step it up a game by making yourself a delicious dessert drink. Hot cocoa. Caramel hot cocoa to be exact.
Then seating myself at my workspace. I look all around and see the work that needs to be done. Yet all that can wait until tonight. Right now is the necessity of becoming more alert. Then a mind explosion of renewing one's self with the Watchtower.
Skimming it doesn't constitute as understanding it. All I did was glance over the subject and find ways to improve in my life. And still I understand that reading and meditating on it will dig deeper to my spirit and applications will have a true meaning.
Then totally out of context I thought of pastime hobbies. Sewing by hand, needlepoint and cross stitching.
A nice flashback of my great Aunt and here award winning works. Yet what brought back all those memories was this piece I did for my son as a baby, Winnie the Pooh and Tigger. My son was called Tigger because he was hyper and bouncing everywhere. Even more to the main piece that got me thinking about it was the needles sitting on my bible.
As though the kind trigger was necessary.
And now the mental lists I made earlier will be started. Divided and checked off. Making more so adjustments in my life can be made.
As always my life, my choices are constantly changing and my outlook stronger in faith, more and more. In truth I never lost faith in Jehovah. It was just the depth and significance of what was given to me that changed.
Never did I ever feel that Jehovah was the reason nor the cause of my disfellowship. I never hated Jehovah. I don't blame him.
I just knew I needed to step away because I lost all reasoning inside myself of the significance of his gifts to me. It took a while to adjust. Even to step back and research the blessings he had given me.
And still, even right now, I know I have a long journey ahead of me. Finding those simple joys in life, turning them into art in my expressions. Just the first steps in recognizing my joy Jehovah gave me.
Each day I walk closer on that less travelled path but it draws me closer to Jehovah more and more. Relying on him as times get horrific and play out to be courageous. It is all Jehovah, pulling me through.
And even though I am disfellowshipped I know one day I will be back under Jehovah's full protection.
But right now I have so many parts of me that are transforming. Ridding of the unnecessary clutter inside my head and heart. Still a long way to heal but the reality of it all has made me a better person than I was more than six months ago.
Trials and errors gave discarded many aspects of my life. Those things I thought were important scream a dull glare. Soon they fade from my mind and heart. Entering into my memories, as those wonders of my past.
See even in the greatest war I battle I still find the uplifting joy inside. Not everyone can do that and I am thankful that is a talent Jehovah gave me. It helps me be the survivor in life not the victim.
Sipping more of the cocoa, I begin to understand just how much Jehovah has helped me grow outside his organization. It's more experience under my belt, so to say. To relate to those who will be new brothers and sisters.
This is a grand kindness I am allowed. How could I ever hate a Father who gives even his lost, bad children wonderful talents? I can't be angry for that. I am angry at myself for the things I did. Accepted my roles I play and how I acted. And now I am on the mend to prove to Jehovah he is worth everything and more to me.
Tears of happiness fall radiantly down my freckled cheeks. Only tedious thing is the constant sniffles but they are of joy not sorrow nor pain.
And this is how I open the afternoon. Onward into my Watchtower I go. Seeking and adjusting so applications can be seen and meditation can be felt deep in my spirit.
Then the long forgotten coffee doesn't sound appealing anymore. Then you step it up a game by making yourself a delicious dessert drink. Hot cocoa. Caramel hot cocoa to be exact.
Then seating myself at my workspace. I look all around and see the work that needs to be done. Yet all that can wait until tonight. Right now is the necessity of becoming more alert. Then a mind explosion of renewing one's self with the Watchtower.
Skimming it doesn't constitute as understanding it. All I did was glance over the subject and find ways to improve in my life. And still I understand that reading and meditating on it will dig deeper to my spirit and applications will have a true meaning.
Then totally out of context I thought of pastime hobbies. Sewing by hand, needlepoint and cross stitching.
A nice flashback of my great Aunt and here award winning works. Yet what brought back all those memories was this piece I did for my son as a baby, Winnie the Pooh and Tigger. My son was called Tigger because he was hyper and bouncing everywhere. Even more to the main piece that got me thinking about it was the needles sitting on my bible.
As though the kind trigger was necessary.
And now the mental lists I made earlier will be started. Divided and checked off. Making more so adjustments in my life can be made.
As always my life, my choices are constantly changing and my outlook stronger in faith, more and more. In truth I never lost faith in Jehovah. It was just the depth and significance of what was given to me that changed.
Never did I ever feel that Jehovah was the reason nor the cause of my disfellowship. I never hated Jehovah. I don't blame him.
I just knew I needed to step away because I lost all reasoning inside myself of the significance of his gifts to me. It took a while to adjust. Even to step back and research the blessings he had given me.
And still, even right now, I know I have a long journey ahead of me. Finding those simple joys in life, turning them into art in my expressions. Just the first steps in recognizing my joy Jehovah gave me.
Each day I walk closer on that less travelled path but it draws me closer to Jehovah more and more. Relying on him as times get horrific and play out to be courageous. It is all Jehovah, pulling me through.
And even though I am disfellowshipped I know one day I will be back under Jehovah's full protection.
But right now I have so many parts of me that are transforming. Ridding of the unnecessary clutter inside my head and heart. Still a long way to heal but the reality of it all has made me a better person than I was more than six months ago.
Trials and errors gave discarded many aspects of my life. Those things I thought were important scream a dull glare. Soon they fade from my mind and heart. Entering into my memories, as those wonders of my past.
See even in the greatest war I battle I still find the uplifting joy inside. Not everyone can do that and I am thankful that is a talent Jehovah gave me. It helps me be the survivor in life not the victim.
Sipping more of the cocoa, I begin to understand just how much Jehovah has helped me grow outside his organization. It's more experience under my belt, so to say. To relate to those who will be new brothers and sisters.
This is a grand kindness I am allowed. How could I ever hate a Father who gives even his lost, bad children wonderful talents? I can't be angry for that. I am angry at myself for the things I did. Accepted my roles I play and how I acted. And now I am on the mend to prove to Jehovah he is worth everything and more to me.
Tears of happiness fall radiantly down my freckled cheeks. Only tedious thing is the constant sniffles but they are of joy not sorrow nor pain.
And this is how I open the afternoon. Onward into my Watchtower I go. Seeking and adjusting so applications can be seen and meditation can be felt deep in my spirit.
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