Kind of anxious
Sitting here, I wait. Time ticks away. Yet not fast enough to cool the anxious heart. Soon though the mind will be filled with what is necessary to continue the week.
Making sure the passing of the weekend is smooth. Yet I won't be concerned with that today. There are a few days to follow before the weekend begins.
Tonight is going to be calming. Just as the question of which blue eases the mind. So is the question of which verse carries me home.
It's that low dream that expands the goals and hope. Time is the only thing in the way. Yet is it in the way?
Still reading, my mind finds reasons to why I should hold back. Yet I don't. I just sit in silence absorbing what is necessary to keep me motivated.
This is my road I am travelling. For once I am not holding anyone's hand nor do I know anyone who can uplift me. So this is my story tonight.
My way to say I am going. Slowly allowing my heart and mind to open again. Not getting closed nor shutting down because of interfering with someone else's life.
For these days it is just for me. It is just my life getting reacquainted with who I need to, so that I can breathe deeper, once more.
These steps I climb, I find myself once again in a room of comfort. Knowing not one person but expanding my mind.
It is such a slow process. The unpeeling the cold layers just so i can grow. I thought I would be friends forever with people. And today I realized just how alone I am. Not in a bad way.
I just realized every step I make is to increase who I want to be, where I want to be. It doesn't have to include anyone. Just Our Father, Jehovah and me.
That is the plan. Yet plans can change. One day people can be involved but today,no. Just me.
That is the best experience I can give someone. Explaining how I became real to myself and to Jehovah, once more.
Sure I am free in so many aspects. I learned I was placed in areas to help and get served. I also know I was going to be destroyed by my mechanisms and others agenda. Yet I kept going. You wonder why? All I can say is Jehovah knew. For that, I am given strength. I endure. I grow.
And even with all that I did, all those I hurt I knew that I would be found again. Once I learned how to be on my own. No support. No communications. Nothing.
Just growing and deserted what was necessary. That part of me was cleansed. And even when I feel such hurt from losing friendships I realize the battle I won with Jehovah's help. I got over that hill, that monstrous mountain and I am now going where I need to be.
This is the slow kindness and love Jehovah gives to all those who lose their way. That I know now. It's refreshing.
So every day I do what he asks, I dig deeper. One day I will comprehend all that I lost. I will see further and feel nothing can separate me. That is the grandness. That is the treasure I am leaning for.
Until then I am listening. Observing and growing. Just the way I need to.
That is my joy. This is my spirit singing. Such praise. A lighted hello in the grand expansion of darkness.
Making sure the passing of the weekend is smooth. Yet I won't be concerned with that today. There are a few days to follow before the weekend begins.
Tonight is going to be calming. Just as the question of which blue eases the mind. So is the question of which verse carries me home.
It's that low dream that expands the goals and hope. Time is the only thing in the way. Yet is it in the way?
Still reading, my mind finds reasons to why I should hold back. Yet I don't. I just sit in silence absorbing what is necessary to keep me motivated.
This is my road I am travelling. For once I am not holding anyone's hand nor do I know anyone who can uplift me. So this is my story tonight.
My way to say I am going. Slowly allowing my heart and mind to open again. Not getting closed nor shutting down because of interfering with someone else's life.
For these days it is just for me. It is just my life getting reacquainted with who I need to, so that I can breathe deeper, once more.
These steps I climb, I find myself once again in a room of comfort. Knowing not one person but expanding my mind.
It is such a slow process. The unpeeling the cold layers just so i can grow. I thought I would be friends forever with people. And today I realized just how alone I am. Not in a bad way.
I just realized every step I make is to increase who I want to be, where I want to be. It doesn't have to include anyone. Just Our Father, Jehovah and me.
That is the plan. Yet plans can change. One day people can be involved but today,no. Just me.
That is the best experience I can give someone. Explaining how I became real to myself and to Jehovah, once more.
Sure I am free in so many aspects. I learned I was placed in areas to help and get served. I also know I was going to be destroyed by my mechanisms and others agenda. Yet I kept going. You wonder why? All I can say is Jehovah knew. For that, I am given strength. I endure. I grow.
And even with all that I did, all those I hurt I knew that I would be found again. Once I learned how to be on my own. No support. No communications. Nothing.
Just growing and deserted what was necessary. That part of me was cleansed. And even when I feel such hurt from losing friendships I realize the battle I won with Jehovah's help. I got over that hill, that monstrous mountain and I am now going where I need to be.
This is the slow kindness and love Jehovah gives to all those who lose their way. That I know now. It's refreshing.
So every day I do what he asks, I dig deeper. One day I will comprehend all that I lost. I will see further and feel nothing can separate me. That is the grandness. That is the treasure I am leaning for.
Until then I am listening. Observing and growing. Just the way I need to.
That is my joy. This is my spirit singing. Such praise. A lighted hello in the grand expansion of darkness.
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