Calm over takes the crunching heart
Gathering my mind. Holding onto the light that glimmers through the blinds. Just this last little hope that sprays a dance across my walls. Helping me to hold onto the right necessities to keep going forward.
I have learned a lot in my lifetime. So much so that no person can really help me. I must do most of it on my own. Not in a bad way though. It helps me to see that I should never rely on anyone to push me through the next harsh waves. I just need to learn how to hold myself up stronger. Battling any kind of meanness within the surrounding areas. The one tiny hope I cling to is that somewhere, kindness in all aspects, prevails.
Even in the stormy moment I am experiencing I still know with my prayers to Jehovah I can overcome them, or at least ease into a routine that will tighten the ropes down better. Leaning on Jehovah more and more I see just how well I can cope.
Even in those moments I want so badly to be able to express this to someone close, I am only sure of one who would not judge me. That has to be enough. Yet there are times where the darkness in the whole day really crowds me into this corner. Biting at me and demanding I cut myself out to get free. And even when those moments bully me, I still seem to cower but with some strength. I release this tension and all that was trying to make me small, fades.
So even right now where I am going through this really rough patch on my own I am safe to say I really am not experiencing it alone. Jehovah is helping me. Now to take that step back and watch as he takes the controls.
So long it seems that all those responses were lost. No. I was just oblivious to the obvious. And what of now? I am not feeling much in my heart today. Just the downing drill of people in the medical world. Yet the positive I have to seek. The good news in the darkest hour. These are what I reach for today.
Even though my mind may not be all there at the meeting. I know my peace will come. The calm will over take the crunching heart. This is the positive I look forward too. The hope that something sinks in and grows.
For I know I need it badly.
And this moment? I am prepared for the journey I am about to embark on. It may be rough but I have enough juice in my veins to keep trekking on. My want is to keep my head above the waterline. And be able to say, yay I made it. Just one more turn to find love at the door.
So badly I need the tears to stop. The emotions to shut down. Just so as I can pull through a great meeting. Gaining what I need to stand tall at another battle because the war is long and hard but this battle I hope to overcome.
I smile.
Just one thought of winning this battle, is the greatest idea accomplished. Yet we will have to see in due time.
So now I just say never let go of those you love. Remind them daily how important they are to you. For like it is expressed through my tears, you never know how long they are with you. Cherish them. Hold them. Kiss them. Hug them tight and recall just how wonderful life is with them in the world.
Tears well deep. I will be a mess but truth be known, I am a mess. Freckles, red hair, pale skin and blotchy redness all over. Intertwined with the red nose.
Yet I survive. I live. Every day I have is mine.
I have learned a lot in my lifetime. So much so that no person can really help me. I must do most of it on my own. Not in a bad way though. It helps me to see that I should never rely on anyone to push me through the next harsh waves. I just need to learn how to hold myself up stronger. Battling any kind of meanness within the surrounding areas. The one tiny hope I cling to is that somewhere, kindness in all aspects, prevails.
Even in the stormy moment I am experiencing I still know with my prayers to Jehovah I can overcome them, or at least ease into a routine that will tighten the ropes down better. Leaning on Jehovah more and more I see just how well I can cope.
Even in those moments I want so badly to be able to express this to someone close, I am only sure of one who would not judge me. That has to be enough. Yet there are times where the darkness in the whole day really crowds me into this corner. Biting at me and demanding I cut myself out to get free. And even when those moments bully me, I still seem to cower but with some strength. I release this tension and all that was trying to make me small, fades.
So even right now where I am going through this really rough patch on my own I am safe to say I really am not experiencing it alone. Jehovah is helping me. Now to take that step back and watch as he takes the controls.
So long it seems that all those responses were lost. No. I was just oblivious to the obvious. And what of now? I am not feeling much in my heart today. Just the downing drill of people in the medical world. Yet the positive I have to seek. The good news in the darkest hour. These are what I reach for today.
Even though my mind may not be all there at the meeting. I know my peace will come. The calm will over take the crunching heart. This is the positive I look forward too. The hope that something sinks in and grows.
For I know I need it badly.
And this moment? I am prepared for the journey I am about to embark on. It may be rough but I have enough juice in my veins to keep trekking on. My want is to keep my head above the waterline. And be able to say, yay I made it. Just one more turn to find love at the door.
So badly I need the tears to stop. The emotions to shut down. Just so as I can pull through a great meeting. Gaining what I need to stand tall at another battle because the war is long and hard but this battle I hope to overcome.
I smile.
Just one thought of winning this battle, is the greatest idea accomplished. Yet we will have to see in due time.
So now I just say never let go of those you love. Remind them daily how important they are to you. For like it is expressed through my tears, you never know how long they are with you. Cherish them. Hold them. Kiss them. Hug them tight and recall just how wonderful life is with them in the world.
Tears well deep. I will be a mess but truth be known, I am a mess. Freckles, red hair, pale skin and blotchy redness all over. Intertwined with the red nose.
Yet I survive. I live. Every day I have is mine.
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