Why I write past and presently
Funny bits of life is that when I think in the morning I realize just how in depth people think I am. My poems , may seem like last attempts to get people back or ask for them to give one more chance.
And still I have to explain to people via any media. Now that is sadness and insecurity. All I can say is that if it is such a ruffle or crack in the mind then don't read.
Yet I can't stop anyone from reading much less feeling some sort of emotion but I can say I have none. I just note the past pretty open and wide. And if for some deep reason within someone, I grind on their nerves or bones, by all means I have no intention of that.
My poems are old and new combined. They are past, present and sometimes future hopes. But by any standard they are me releasing any pent up emotion or thought.
How that affects any one person isn't my issue. It is well noted that I explode on here or I ramble away. So if that affects people then all I can say is just stop reading it.
For it is clear that I won't stop writing just to appease a mind or an insecure heart. This is my place to write.
I can't expect anyone to get what I write but if it defines something inside you that you see as bad, rebuild yourself. I have.
I have no need of jealousy nor of drama from people. I am well content in who I am. I am growing the way I asked Jehovah to help me with. And he is.
Every step I make is to run back into his loving arms. Yet I am still working on areas that Jehovah knows I need to work on. As time grows to a close I am watching.
So indeed I realize that so many people are dug in by what I say or if I read about something. By far just be reminded that it is me expressing myself. You all have your own ways but please remember to not be petty.
And be kind to recall that before you judge me, walk in my shoes for a day. I doubt all my trials a emotions will be easy to overcome though some can be jumped over no problem.
Yet each person deals with their own trials and tribulations. 1Corinthians 10:13 (NWT)
No temptation has come upon you except what is common to men.+ But God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear,+ but along with the temptation he will also make the way out so that you may be able to endure it.
And still I have to explain to people via any media. Now that is sadness and insecurity. All I can say is that if it is such a ruffle or crack in the mind then don't read.
Yet I can't stop anyone from reading much less feeling some sort of emotion but I can say I have none. I just note the past pretty open and wide. And if for some deep reason within someone, I grind on their nerves or bones, by all means I have no intention of that.
My poems are old and new combined. They are past, present and sometimes future hopes. But by any standard they are me releasing any pent up emotion or thought.
How that affects any one person isn't my issue. It is well noted that I explode on here or I ramble away. So if that affects people then all I can say is just stop reading it.
For it is clear that I won't stop writing just to appease a mind or an insecure heart. This is my place to write.
I can't expect anyone to get what I write but if it defines something inside you that you see as bad, rebuild yourself. I have.
I have no need of jealousy nor of drama from people. I am well content in who I am. I am growing the way I asked Jehovah to help me with. And he is.
Every step I make is to run back into his loving arms. Yet I am still working on areas that Jehovah knows I need to work on. As time grows to a close I am watching.
So indeed I realize that so many people are dug in by what I say or if I read about something. By far just be reminded that it is me expressing myself. You all have your own ways but please remember to not be petty.
And be kind to recall that before you judge me, walk in my shoes for a day. I doubt all my trials a emotions will be easy to overcome though some can be jumped over no problem.
Yet each person deals with their own trials and tribulations. 1Corinthians 10:13 (NWT)
No temptation has come upon you except what is common to men.+ But God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear,+ but along with the temptation he will also make the way out so that you may be able to endure it.
See I know I can get through anything with Jehovah on my side. And as much as I have learned upon my own understanding I have been hurt greatly. I know I have issues. We all do. By far we are from perfection.
Yet it is sad that expressing how I feel in open is wrong to some. I did say names on numerous occasions but the facts had to be out to clear my head completely.
For the most part everything is gone. Every part of me is empty from some portion of emotions. Sure I have those moments that demand a poem or two. Yet recall it is just a memory or a pain I have to overcome.
And I do. Will others? I cannot say. I don't walk in their shoes. I don't listen to their hearts. Only they can.
So be careful how you look at my poems. And if it feels like I have stabbed you or even given you a paper cut, lean into your own self and find the problem. Don't seek to blame me.
I have done my time. I have finished my chapter. It is over in that long rolled up mess.
Now I am capable of writing about the past without tears. For me, that is a great accomplishment but it is not from my strength. It is Jehovah pushing me back.
And I want to say, that is the best feeling I have ever felt. The no longer need of who I wanted to be in my life. Just to realize Jehovah will always be there for me.
Never once did I blame Jehovah for my action nor the actions of others. I thanked Jehovah for protecting his people. I thanked him for the rude awakening. And all glory given I look for Jehovah now.
And that is my next step. Routine.
My place. By far none can understand but keep the hope there, that one day Mary will enter Jehovah's kingdom hall once more.
Until that day I keep maintaining my search for who Jehovah wants me to be.
As for others, like it or hate it. That isn't my opinion nor my concern.
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