Roaming
I roam the earth with great intentions but so many times I hide myself from those who want to know me best. I find ways not to get hurt.
It seems as though I just keep letting myself go in the pathway of the storm. As though I repeatedly want to get trampled by certain people.
Yet none would even guess how much of me just wants someone to understand who I am.
Then I realize I am so far from their means of clarity that I can no longer keep putting myself out there until they finally are capable of just seeing one piece of me.
The distances I go to appease people. The pieces of me destroyed to help those I am so passionate about, yet for what reason but to help them gain some sort of who trip.
I have learned so well that I am actually understanding to take care of me first. Forego others until the look or seek to know me.
Yes in a way I have given up on people. Not in the sense of loving them. By far no. Just the part of allowing the hurt to enter inside of me. Too many lessons that echo deep within my spirit and mind. So much that it is the best for me to stand clear of so many people.
I still love but in a sense I am backing away. I am tired of being used. So tired of being the pushover. Just tired of being that friend of convenience.
I always thought it took two people to make a real friendship grow. Yet I have learned so many times that I do too much and trust too easily. That is my forgiving nature to just let it all go.
I don't wage wars for a reason. Yet internally I have them constantly. So if someone wants to fight for me, then I will do the same. Just don't ever want a ship of any sort to be one sided. I have been taught well.
Walking away from that.
So sure I get the labels from people and I get their reasons too. Yet I ask did you ever really know what brought you to a conclusion of such label?
I doubt it.
But I cannot change people. Just me, Mary. So that is what I am doing. Like me, love me or move on.
It seems as though I just keep letting myself go in the pathway of the storm. As though I repeatedly want to get trampled by certain people.
Yet none would even guess how much of me just wants someone to understand who I am.
Then I realize I am so far from their means of clarity that I can no longer keep putting myself out there until they finally are capable of just seeing one piece of me.
The distances I go to appease people. The pieces of me destroyed to help those I am so passionate about, yet for what reason but to help them gain some sort of who trip.
I have learned so well that I am actually understanding to take care of me first. Forego others until the look or seek to know me.
Yes in a way I have given up on people. Not in the sense of loving them. By far no. Just the part of allowing the hurt to enter inside of me. Too many lessons that echo deep within my spirit and mind. So much that it is the best for me to stand clear of so many people.
I still love but in a sense I am backing away. I am tired of being used. So tired of being the pushover. Just tired of being that friend of convenience.
I always thought it took two people to make a real friendship grow. Yet I have learned so many times that I do too much and trust too easily. That is my forgiving nature to just let it all go.
I don't wage wars for a reason. Yet internally I have them constantly. So if someone wants to fight for me, then I will do the same. Just don't ever want a ship of any sort to be one sided. I have been taught well.
Walking away from that.
So sure I get the labels from people and I get their reasons too. Yet I ask did you ever really know what brought you to a conclusion of such label?
I doubt it.
But I cannot change people. Just me, Mary. So that is what I am doing. Like me, love me or move on.
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