Wee bits of the morn
In the wee bits of the morning the mind still ticks away. Although not for the reason of insomnia. My temp is really high and my was a are pulsing.
No amounts of ways to cease the throbbing but to write until sleep pushes itself through.
Today was a bit faster than a sloth, as Sunday walked along as. Today a slug but felt hyped. It was a weird, groovy man experience. Yet I was able to sit up right and read a book and half. All the while looking half lively and half red. It was an interesting day.
Though now the mind is rolling thoughts of lists I didn't finish today nor the activities I had hoped to accomplish. I chided myself. Yes, I do that a lot.
Always feel there is a need to be doing something more. Yet my soul says rest and hydrate. So the determined spirit says listen to your soul. It is tired and fighting.
I really dislike having to admit that for one I am stubborn or determined to go harder on myself; secondly finding that the gut or truth ringing inside of me is saying it is okay to shoe weaknesses and strengths and third is the fact I know I am imperfect, so far down the chain that my perfections are deep within as well as visible to many.
Those are hard things to admit to. Yet here I do. And as much as it difficult to say I still know that is something Jehovah and I are always working on.
By far it is not pride. It's the fact that I can and will need to lean on people for help. That is a scary thing to open up. I am not one who will say I need help. I am always trying to make someone else feel amazing while I am destroying myself by not listening to the clues.
I know some people are genuine but that is where it gets tricky. I am not sure who is who. And to put trust in someone, without opportunity of hurt, is hard for me to think of. For I am the one who sees so many shades of a person. Then there is the factor that I play out all good, bad and worst case scenarios in my head.
It's the overkill of planning but seeing the outcome with all objectives in sight, is enough to make me scurry to build my protective wall, making sure it is impenetrable. For to have a cad slink through, oh no.
Perhaps that is still my over thinking but so many thoughts and so many projections that the possibilities of ratios and statistics have proven me right on many occasions. I cannot deny those factors.
And now, what is it that I am thinking of? Oh it is the list I wanted to finish with my artwork. Yet even that cannot be done. Still a little out of it to paint and too weakened by the odd sleep patterns from fever, sneezing, stuffy canals, headaches and popping ears.
My kindness to myself at this moment is water and Vicks vapor rub. The hopes that slumber hits me soon. That the drumming in my ears cease long enough for deep stage 4 to enter. Finally breaking the high temps with restoration of my odd self once more.
Kindness is that someone actually wanted to read this. Even more so is how much I won't remember much of tonight once my eyes go to dream land.
I smile. And then I nod off. Only to jerk awake and put phone down. Lock up apartment and drift down hallway. Shutting door so no interference from kitty. I need sleep. Dreams and snuggles with my memories.
Good night peopl
No amounts of ways to cease the throbbing but to write until sleep pushes itself through.
Today was a bit faster than a sloth, as Sunday walked along as. Today a slug but felt hyped. It was a weird, groovy man experience. Yet I was able to sit up right and read a book and half. All the while looking half lively and half red. It was an interesting day.
Though now the mind is rolling thoughts of lists I didn't finish today nor the activities I had hoped to accomplish. I chided myself. Yes, I do that a lot.
Always feel there is a need to be doing something more. Yet my soul says rest and hydrate. So the determined spirit says listen to your soul. It is tired and fighting.
I really dislike having to admit that for one I am stubborn or determined to go harder on myself; secondly finding that the gut or truth ringing inside of me is saying it is okay to shoe weaknesses and strengths and third is the fact I know I am imperfect, so far down the chain that my perfections are deep within as well as visible to many.
Those are hard things to admit to. Yet here I do. And as much as it difficult to say I still know that is something Jehovah and I are always working on.
By far it is not pride. It's the fact that I can and will need to lean on people for help. That is a scary thing to open up. I am not one who will say I need help. I am always trying to make someone else feel amazing while I am destroying myself by not listening to the clues.
I know some people are genuine but that is where it gets tricky. I am not sure who is who. And to put trust in someone, without opportunity of hurt, is hard for me to think of. For I am the one who sees so many shades of a person. Then there is the factor that I play out all good, bad and worst case scenarios in my head.
It's the overkill of planning but seeing the outcome with all objectives in sight, is enough to make me scurry to build my protective wall, making sure it is impenetrable. For to have a cad slink through, oh no.
Perhaps that is still my over thinking but so many thoughts and so many projections that the possibilities of ratios and statistics have proven me right on many occasions. I cannot deny those factors.
And now, what is it that I am thinking of? Oh it is the list I wanted to finish with my artwork. Yet even that cannot be done. Still a little out of it to paint and too weakened by the odd sleep patterns from fever, sneezing, stuffy canals, headaches and popping ears.
My kindness to myself at this moment is water and Vicks vapor rub. The hopes that slumber hits me soon. That the drumming in my ears cease long enough for deep stage 4 to enter. Finally breaking the high temps with restoration of my odd self once more.
Kindness is that someone actually wanted to read this. Even more so is how much I won't remember much of tonight once my eyes go to dream land.
I smile. And then I nod off. Only to jerk awake and put phone down. Lock up apartment and drift down hallway. Shutting door so no interference from kitty. I need sleep. Dreams and snuggles with my memories.
Good night peopl
Comments
Post a Comment