September
I just wanted to explain to some people why September is so important to me. Not that the days of egos or deaths appeared nor that of school starting and new friends ringing out. No.
September has always felt like a new beginning for me. Every single year. This is like my month where I make goals and attain them in rapid succession. This is the mark of who I am. Surprisingly my day of baptism is gone. September 7. Always inside my head.
It is my time to start to think over all the crud I did from that actual day to the last day I was one of Jehovah's people. Truth be told everything I did, I thought was the right path. It was what I was supposed to be doing. Even in the ways of hurting a few hundred people.
And still this September is no different. I prep for my artistic adventures. Praying that the steps I take begins a new set of wheels spinning in my head. With all that is growing inside of me, I have not picked up my bible much.
It is funny how being out in service everyday there were moments when I couldn't remember the scriptures and yet now, I recall them like a belted scar. Something you cannot erase from your skin much less your mind.
Oh though it sounds horrific, it is by far the best kind of scar to relive. Truth.
And to those who were once in my life, before my horrible choices in life, thank you. Yet the time is not here yet to seek the doorways of the kingdom hall. There is much of trickery inside of me and I have no desire to project the lies of being ready for Jehovah's words inside of my daily.
I have come this far. Certainly haven't gone inside a hall, and to be frank, some people never expect me to make that come back. Yet I know Jehovah found me not just once but several times over decades, and used the WORST person to help me see his truth. But I am grateful. And I still am taking my time.
So the special response to September is that I have always felt this connection about the changes in the weather. The cooling of the wind. The moisture changes. This brings me to prepare for the grand adventures that await in October. The simple pieces of life.
As crazy as it sounds I only find one sorrow in September. The fact that people that study the truth haven't been taught why celebration of birth isn't as important as the passing is. BUT they will. Then they will understand why 09, 10 or 02,21 means nothing. As well as 46 or 42 means nothing but just another day in the life of a man and a woman.
Yet I wait.
September is the softest of sighs for me. The warm caress of a new start. The kind reminders that one day I will set foot back in Jehovah's doorway, begging him to open his arms to me. When that happens I look forward to all I have to do to be corrected.
Not yet though. Even now, it is in prayer. One day.
Jehovah knows. He truly knows.
I am patient.
September has always felt like a new beginning for me. Every single year. This is like my month where I make goals and attain them in rapid succession. This is the mark of who I am. Surprisingly my day of baptism is gone. September 7. Always inside my head.
It is my time to start to think over all the crud I did from that actual day to the last day I was one of Jehovah's people. Truth be told everything I did, I thought was the right path. It was what I was supposed to be doing. Even in the ways of hurting a few hundred people.
And still this September is no different. I prep for my artistic adventures. Praying that the steps I take begins a new set of wheels spinning in my head. With all that is growing inside of me, I have not picked up my bible much.
It is funny how being out in service everyday there were moments when I couldn't remember the scriptures and yet now, I recall them like a belted scar. Something you cannot erase from your skin much less your mind.
Oh though it sounds horrific, it is by far the best kind of scar to relive. Truth.
And to those who were once in my life, before my horrible choices in life, thank you. Yet the time is not here yet to seek the doorways of the kingdom hall. There is much of trickery inside of me and I have no desire to project the lies of being ready for Jehovah's words inside of my daily.
I have come this far. Certainly haven't gone inside a hall, and to be frank, some people never expect me to make that come back. Yet I know Jehovah found me not just once but several times over decades, and used the WORST person to help me see his truth. But I am grateful. And I still am taking my time.
So the special response to September is that I have always felt this connection about the changes in the weather. The cooling of the wind. The moisture changes. This brings me to prepare for the grand adventures that await in October. The simple pieces of life.
As crazy as it sounds I only find one sorrow in September. The fact that people that study the truth haven't been taught why celebration of birth isn't as important as the passing is. BUT they will. Then they will understand why 09, 10 or 02,21 means nothing. As well as 46 or 42 means nothing but just another day in the life of a man and a woman.
Yet I wait.
September is the softest of sighs for me. The warm caress of a new start. The kind reminders that one day I will set foot back in Jehovah's doorway, begging him to open his arms to me. When that happens I look forward to all I have to do to be corrected.
Not yet though. Even now, it is in prayer. One day.
Jehovah knows. He truly knows.
I am patient.
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