A shock I gave myself

Just yesterday the sight of
you shook my very foundation.

My support system.

All that I held dear to keep me
from doing the dumb things in life.
Just being a woman, I let go.

Just to dream.
  
   I did not know how to handle
the shock. It took several
hours and lots of concentration
not to want to follow you.

Not even think of you. So many
wasted moments in the day. And
so many songs I listened to rid of
any hope. To correct myself of
foolishness.
    
 Ah how I craved to understand.
Craved to be within sights again.
Grateful I was a listening
in on the rant, chiding myself.
 Yet I really hoped to see
again.
   
A fool for sure.

 Very irritating to have
contradicting emotions so fast
in a matter of minutes.
  
  Please, please I begged
my soul to be hushed.
My mind screamed, scolded,
chided self. I hoped my
world would shut you
out. Yet still all parts of me
begged for a come back.
  
  Still in amazement at how I
could react in such a way.

So many parts of me that say
don't listen. Just keep on moving.

Forget.

Yet.. I am...

Curious. Frightened. Excited.

Disappointed.
    
 Probably all for the
best. Knowing stupidity would
have occurred and hurt.
Great despair would have
cracked the very motivation of
me.
   
 Grateful I did nothing. Grateful I
kept on moving. Living life and not
beckoning myself to get involved
anymore.
          
And yet I still wonder.

Not for long but the what if. And then
I remember I said goodbye. I pushed
too far.

My last words. My hello to me.

So correct me if I am wrong.
To be so vocal in saying what I want.
Because I am not harming anyone
here. Just saying my feelings.

As time moves on so will the
loss of emotions. Except in the randomness
of women wanders. And a bootleg of
dreams.