Huggles

  Oh how I thought. Just once really hoped.  No. Not for
me.Not the mentions nor the dreams. None of it was for me.

   I wanted to believe the convenience I had been for you.
I even wanted to believe what I thought was so wrong. Yet.
So much of me jumps to conclusions. So distant.

   Oh had I convinced myself otherwise?
Perhaps. I had only pictured that my mind was so far lost.
And yet I knew that I was not even going to tiptoe
back into your life now.

I had lost.

   The possible view of your eyes on me.
Oh how I ditched that ever happening again.
I even went so far as to scratch any fiber of believing
that any part of me meant anything.

I had created this shell of hope, this beautiful ray of
sunshine and planted it on the wrong side of a the
rainbow.

Oh well.

   *shrugs*

C'est la vie.


    Sure I can keep on hoping in vain. Even keep trying
to maintain a positive outlook on the weaned
friendship. Yet I deceive myself when I do that.

My eyes demand so much intensity and yet it is
too late. You live and learn, even in the damnedest ways.

So now I just cram myself back into the swing of life
before you became important to me. Talk about a
rewind on life.

No time travel necessary. Just the erasers of the mind.

Indeed I just shrug.

I don't dare let myself down again.
So huggles in another life.
Once meant so much.
Now just a word.