The difference
Tonight I bow down to the ultimate views. Loving that I am single and capable of being myself. The wash of dirt from my hands and paint from my hair, truly a refining.
The small sigh comes from taking the sips of chai tea. Quite content in the level of alone time I gain. Alone but not lonely.
By far I made it to a few parks today. Small towns that have beauty in great packages.
A bit of joy I gain from just walking on a trail. Even when I am being bitten by gnats and mosquitoes. Still a treasure when I find the perks of nature.
Though, throughout the day I think upon those that I loved so deeply and see just how welcoming life can be, now. All situations are there for a reason.
Granted by no means do I see what God sees but I understand the key lessons in the whole ordeals. All to make me stronger and lean only upon him for truth.
I was reading and researching all that I know about myself. I just explored the depth of why I am like I am. Truly some odd points to gather laughs and growl in frustration. Yet it was a lesson I keep being enrichened by. So why stop to please people?
Although I know the need of separation AND the need of companionship is high on my list, I understand I know how to move without any person to fall upon.
A strength in understanding my weaknesses and how to move around them.
Though on that note I thought of some who just need to have someone. Need to have that connection or the necessity of being in some sort of relationship. I almost feel bad for them. The idea of having to be alone for the rest of their lives, pretty daunting thought. Even more so is the fact I have read their characteristics so much that if they tried, crumbling downfall they would spiral into.
Though yes at times I need to be around people but at the same time I know the absolute necessity to have silence too.
Even more so is the adventure into my world, finding the extreme calm and then coming back out so people can see I still need them.
Yet not many recognize that. Very few get passed the cold exterior and are capable of seeing the warmth I am within.
And those who have seen both sides are scared by the fact I can be both at the same time while I am trying to protect myself and ones I love.
Sadly more so is that of the callous words that get spoken because I am off towards others. Not my words. I already understood things would be misunderstood, hence why I had already rebuilt my walls.
It's just a sad state that some people just can't see passed themselves to realize I was more passionate and protective. Too bad I wore my battle scars well.
And today..
They are healing. The stains of tissue are remolding for this new skin, this new me. Only part is that even though I was scrapped, scratched, stabbed and left to die I still am better than yesterday.
Every day I go forward I don't forget I just pack away. And even when I get these odd emotional funks I know I am well. I still am capable of walking passed people without a need to say a word.
Perhaps that is what made some think I was heartless or overbearing. Yet all I can say is thank you for letting me see your darkness, your hatred. For even though some say they don't hate, it blazes straight through them. It's this sorry state of people.
And even though I feel some sort of sadness for them I still hope that they find out who they truly are, without anyone. Not clinging to a possibility of companionship or the need to be talking to someone.
I dare you to be alone. Just once.
Feel the difference, just how much you could stand on your own. Yet I laugh as I dare you. Knowing the possibilities of you even hearing a dare, following through would be something unimaginative even from your creative mind.
And many think I am not alone because I have support but you know what, if I was to leave today without words, without looking back I know I can survive on whatever is necessary.
The difference between a star and dream.
Grandness that some will be so scared to admit. You can wish on a star but a dream can become reality. Odd don't you think?
And in this simple moment of smiles I comprehend much more. I can't begin to make anyone understand. But I dare you to try.
Alas that is saying a lot. If you knew me at all.
The small sigh comes from taking the sips of chai tea. Quite content in the level of alone time I gain. Alone but not lonely.
By far I made it to a few parks today. Small towns that have beauty in great packages.
A bit of joy I gain from just walking on a trail. Even when I am being bitten by gnats and mosquitoes. Still a treasure when I find the perks of nature.
Though, throughout the day I think upon those that I loved so deeply and see just how welcoming life can be, now. All situations are there for a reason.
Granted by no means do I see what God sees but I understand the key lessons in the whole ordeals. All to make me stronger and lean only upon him for truth.
I was reading and researching all that I know about myself. I just explored the depth of why I am like I am. Truly some odd points to gather laughs and growl in frustration. Yet it was a lesson I keep being enrichened by. So why stop to please people?
Although I know the need of separation AND the need of companionship is high on my list, I understand I know how to move without any person to fall upon.
A strength in understanding my weaknesses and how to move around them.
Though on that note I thought of some who just need to have someone. Need to have that connection or the necessity of being in some sort of relationship. I almost feel bad for them. The idea of having to be alone for the rest of their lives, pretty daunting thought. Even more so is the fact I have read their characteristics so much that if they tried, crumbling downfall they would spiral into.
Though yes at times I need to be around people but at the same time I know the absolute necessity to have silence too.
Even more so is the adventure into my world, finding the extreme calm and then coming back out so people can see I still need them.
Yet not many recognize that. Very few get passed the cold exterior and are capable of seeing the warmth I am within.
And those who have seen both sides are scared by the fact I can be both at the same time while I am trying to protect myself and ones I love.
Sadly more so is that of the callous words that get spoken because I am off towards others. Not my words. I already understood things would be misunderstood, hence why I had already rebuilt my walls.
It's just a sad state that some people just can't see passed themselves to realize I was more passionate and protective. Too bad I wore my battle scars well.
And today..
They are healing. The stains of tissue are remolding for this new skin, this new me. Only part is that even though I was scrapped, scratched, stabbed and left to die I still am better than yesterday.
Every day I go forward I don't forget I just pack away. And even when I get these odd emotional funks I know I am well. I still am capable of walking passed people without a need to say a word.
Perhaps that is what made some think I was heartless or overbearing. Yet all I can say is thank you for letting me see your darkness, your hatred. For even though some say they don't hate, it blazes straight through them. It's this sorry state of people.
And even though I feel some sort of sadness for them I still hope that they find out who they truly are, without anyone. Not clinging to a possibility of companionship or the need to be talking to someone.
I dare you to be alone. Just once.
Feel the difference, just how much you could stand on your own. Yet I laugh as I dare you. Knowing the possibilities of you even hearing a dare, following through would be something unimaginative even from your creative mind.
And many think I am not alone because I have support but you know what, if I was to leave today without words, without looking back I know I can survive on whatever is necessary.
The difference between a star and dream.
Grandness that some will be so scared to admit. You can wish on a star but a dream can become reality. Odd don't you think?
And in this simple moment of smiles I comprehend much more. I can't begin to make anyone understand. But I dare you to try.
Alas that is saying a lot. If you knew me at all.
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