Joy
Silent settled so well with me today. Good sleep and a grand adventure into an area I had not been to in several years. Then to find my solitude in the trails I walked today.
Joy.
The warmth of the atmosphere just enhanced the chill of joy quaking inside my spirit. That giddy little child that finds a hidden treasure. Ever imagine, ever experienced that kind of deeply rooted adrenaline?
Kindness of how mentioning people in a casual conversation my heart doesn't pound hard in anger nor disappointment. All I feel for those I left behind weeks ago, are the pieces of sadness in their own confusion.
Yet I don't let that harm my spirit nor even my mind. By certain my heart is no longer heavy.
Sure once I thought maybe, just maybe I meant something but how can someone really stretch themselves so far to accommodate so little. A sure fire way to eliminate yourself from their lives.
And I did just that.
Yet as much as it hurt when the strings were cut, even when trying to tell people interest isn't there anymore but furthermore the pain of a loss. Sure it hurt but like all losses you finally see the light behind the darkened cloth.
It's one of those moments I have each time I take a walk. Finding the tiny bits of beauty in nature. It is the calm I received after such turmoil.
I thought I would never feel real again. I thought I would wallow in the times of past. Yet I find myself leaping forward in greatness finding the joy I had lost.
For me that is the silence. That is the coolness in the evening sky. It is the brightest of stars that twinkle above me.
Sure I still have my memories. Some are nasty but the rest are soft whispering sighs. And even when I had my anger moments I still can't be mad. Just disappointed I put too much effort into a one sided friendship.
That is the kind reminders of life. Next time, not a 200 % effort but a 50/50 one instead. That is my careful steps.
The importance of peace is there. And from now on it is there. I am not fighting for anyone. I am not giving up but I won't fight for anything that doesn't want to fight for me.
Sadly as I was walking today, I realized I fought too hard against the warriors for nothing. That is when I leaned down and felt completely free of emotion about any one person.
The completion of eliminating the need to search, to gain a glance was pooled down to the earth. That sense of comfortably draining myself down to the dirt I started from.
The softest of offers. A release of bitterness and contentions. It was gratifying and fortifying.
Stillness. Breathing. Completely calm.
My photos prove my joy. What I sought to have. Not many know me but who do understand the depth of my love of nature.
Yet does any one really comprehend why? I dare those to seek the answers. I dare those to wonder. Yet I won't ask if you learned anything. I won't even ask if you listened to me.
All I am going to say is nature is my proof. Leaving it at that, maybe someday you can tell me why it is "proof".
Joy.
The warmth of the atmosphere just enhanced the chill of joy quaking inside my spirit. That giddy little child that finds a hidden treasure. Ever imagine, ever experienced that kind of deeply rooted adrenaline?
Kindness of how mentioning people in a casual conversation my heart doesn't pound hard in anger nor disappointment. All I feel for those I left behind weeks ago, are the pieces of sadness in their own confusion.
Yet I don't let that harm my spirit nor even my mind. By certain my heart is no longer heavy.
Sure once I thought maybe, just maybe I meant something but how can someone really stretch themselves so far to accommodate so little. A sure fire way to eliminate yourself from their lives.
And I did just that.
Yet as much as it hurt when the strings were cut, even when trying to tell people interest isn't there anymore but furthermore the pain of a loss. Sure it hurt but like all losses you finally see the light behind the darkened cloth.
It's one of those moments I have each time I take a walk. Finding the tiny bits of beauty in nature. It is the calm I received after such turmoil.
I thought I would never feel real again. I thought I would wallow in the times of past. Yet I find myself leaping forward in greatness finding the joy I had lost.
For me that is the silence. That is the coolness in the evening sky. It is the brightest of stars that twinkle above me.
Sure I still have my memories. Some are nasty but the rest are soft whispering sighs. And even when I had my anger moments I still can't be mad. Just disappointed I put too much effort into a one sided friendship.
That is the kind reminders of life. Next time, not a 200 % effort but a 50/50 one instead. That is my careful steps.
The importance of peace is there. And from now on it is there. I am not fighting for anyone. I am not giving up but I won't fight for anything that doesn't want to fight for me.
Sadly as I was walking today, I realized I fought too hard against the warriors for nothing. That is when I leaned down and felt completely free of emotion about any one person.
The completion of eliminating the need to search, to gain a glance was pooled down to the earth. That sense of comfortably draining myself down to the dirt I started from.
The softest of offers. A release of bitterness and contentions. It was gratifying and fortifying.
Stillness. Breathing. Completely calm.
My photos prove my joy. What I sought to have. Not many know me but who do understand the depth of my love of nature.
Yet does any one really comprehend why? I dare those to seek the answers. I dare those to wonder. Yet I won't ask if you learned anything. I won't even ask if you listened to me.
All I am going to say is nature is my proof. Leaving it at that, maybe someday you can tell me why it is "proof".
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