Cubed blocks
Finally I feel now how I should be. Dreams and all, I take my stand. Grateful for the final loss and the turning over a new page.
Swaying back and forth. I beg to ask my questions. Laughing and hoping throughout the life that is given. I acknowledge the possible hardships. I lean into the sunlight blazing down a new pathway.
I am here.
Forsaking all the rest including what remains of your heart. I wanted it all but I was not willing to beg like the rest. I took on new steps, new views for you to accept. All in the hopes that I would still be standing beside you now.
Waking up and wondering was there ever really a chance for me inside of you. Even for a year. How about a day?
Was it just a dream, lost? So far gone from a hope, a glazed memory sitting on the edge of my mind? Oh yes, it was just as I thought. A loss.
I asked. I pleaded with mind, heart and spirit just for the truth to be mine. Yet. There I stood looking inside a hazy window. Glazed eyes of ice. Streaming cubed blocks fell from my eyes and my heart.
I wandered around in circles. Days. Weeks. Even months. Only to realize I was not her.
A lost child turning and running in a maze without guidance, without a map. So long I still tried to prove my worth to you. Only to realize that no amounts of my qualities were good enough to be inside your life. My woes, my happiness, my friendship was only as good as the next blow.
I thought I was liked, even thought of.
Yet I even asked myself am I even what you wanted? I demanded myself to change for you. I hoped that the less drama, the no parts of my life and even the quietness was working. Until. Then.
What was you wished of me? A side of wind? A nice handshake? A gentle ride?
Yet then I realized it was silence you wanted. I realized that I wasn't drama enough, that I wasn't the high maintenance different stylized person you wanted to train. It was hard to shake that over in my mind.
I listened. I understood the layers. Yet I was never the right catch. Only good for blows and rides. I said nothing. I let it be.
Then I let go. I was unafraid to push too far. I had to, to learn. To see who I was to you.
Just as I thought. Nothing. No thought. No words. Nothing.
Not surprised. Yet I hoped I was wrong. And still I knew I was right.
So my goodbye was said. The words let me give back the leash. I was capable of being me.
Worth more than the wind. So much more than the shove into the cold.
And now you exist only in my memories. And there are times in my dreams too. In the snow. In the mountains. In a long distance hug.
There we remain.
Swaying back and forth. I beg to ask my questions. Laughing and hoping throughout the life that is given. I acknowledge the possible hardships. I lean into the sunlight blazing down a new pathway.
I am here.
Forsaking all the rest including what remains of your heart. I wanted it all but I was not willing to beg like the rest. I took on new steps, new views for you to accept. All in the hopes that I would still be standing beside you now.
Waking up and wondering was there ever really a chance for me inside of you. Even for a year. How about a day?
Was it just a dream, lost? So far gone from a hope, a glazed memory sitting on the edge of my mind? Oh yes, it was just as I thought. A loss.
I asked. I pleaded with mind, heart and spirit just for the truth to be mine. Yet. There I stood looking inside a hazy window. Glazed eyes of ice. Streaming cubed blocks fell from my eyes and my heart.
I wandered around in circles. Days. Weeks. Even months. Only to realize I was not her.
A lost child turning and running in a maze without guidance, without a map. So long I still tried to prove my worth to you. Only to realize that no amounts of my qualities were good enough to be inside your life. My woes, my happiness, my friendship was only as good as the next blow.
I thought I was liked, even thought of.
Yet I even asked myself am I even what you wanted? I demanded myself to change for you. I hoped that the less drama, the no parts of my life and even the quietness was working. Until. Then.
What was you wished of me? A side of wind? A nice handshake? A gentle ride?
Yet then I realized it was silence you wanted. I realized that I wasn't drama enough, that I wasn't the high maintenance different stylized person you wanted to train. It was hard to shake that over in my mind.
I listened. I understood the layers. Yet I was never the right catch. Only good for blows and rides. I said nothing. I let it be.
Then I let go. I was unafraid to push too far. I had to, to learn. To see who I was to you.
Just as I thought. Nothing. No thought. No words. Nothing.
Not surprised. Yet I hoped I was wrong. And still I knew I was right.
So my goodbye was said. The words let me give back the leash. I was capable of being me.
Worth more than the wind. So much more than the shove into the cold.
And now you exist only in my memories. And there are times in my dreams too. In the snow. In the mountains. In a long distance hug.
There we remain.
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