Pushed papers
As I sit here contemplating all the ideas and notes I have made I almost just hope the wind picks them up and thrashes them about. Only because there is too much of empty promises I held on to. I let the hopes of those days simmer and then overcome me.
The ideas I had to gain a positive view for those who seem to label me so well. Yet then all the outlines that I had how I could improve or improvise on current situations. I began to just chuckle inside myself. Tossing my hands to the air in the need to brush it all away.
Looking over the random notes that spray across my queen size bed, I just push them off the edge. Demanding myself to stop thinking upon them. To finally realize that not one person deserves that kind of attention. Save Jehovah.
And then I switch my mind to the music that pulls the words from me. Decorating the lined paper with meaning, feelings and depth. Sade is the soothing mode tonight. Decidedly so. No ordinary love.
Sadly I don't look at it in the romantic way. I look at it more like a free love. I am not ordinary and I have to let go of so many things. Opening myself to give love to all despite all the tension that is placed within me and surrounding areas.
I am surpassed all notions of romantic love unless I read a true story or see a good drama. I am okay with that. Because when you stop looking true love finds you. And true love can be anything. Thinking back over the novel "Under the Tuscan sun" how Frances said she wanted all these things to happen in her house. That I see as what true love is. A bit of joyous happiness.
Call me a romantic or a silly woman but I comprehend that there are layers in every word, in every color and texture. That is the benefits I have from growing into the person I am. The good, the bad and the very different. Yet every part of me is me. Even the blackest of ugly, I am still me searching. I have to learn from it all.
That is probably why I am so unusual, complex and so irritating. Yet I am smart in my depth I grasp. I can't expect people to understand me. I only ask Jehovah to. That is the ONLY approval I ask for now.
It took a while to learn that on my own. And still so many more days to listen and apply what is given. At the very least it is the sloth moments but in the very best I am the cheetah. So I don't mock how people grow but make sure you are growing, learning. For once you stop it is time to say all the good byes. Sailing into sleep.
Strange perhaps but just the tip of the iceberg. Every day is a new step. You can join in on the learning and regrowth or you can move along. Either way it doesn't matter to me but don't you dare try to stop me from reaching out.
Indeed. The night is gone. Drifted into the early morning darkness. Yet I am so calm. So peaceful. Such a grandness. Thank you Jehovah.
The ideas I had to gain a positive view for those who seem to label me so well. Yet then all the outlines that I had how I could improve or improvise on current situations. I began to just chuckle inside myself. Tossing my hands to the air in the need to brush it all away.
Looking over the random notes that spray across my queen size bed, I just push them off the edge. Demanding myself to stop thinking upon them. To finally realize that not one person deserves that kind of attention. Save Jehovah.
And then I switch my mind to the music that pulls the words from me. Decorating the lined paper with meaning, feelings and depth. Sade is the soothing mode tonight. Decidedly so. No ordinary love.
Sadly I don't look at it in the romantic way. I look at it more like a free love. I am not ordinary and I have to let go of so many things. Opening myself to give love to all despite all the tension that is placed within me and surrounding areas.
I am surpassed all notions of romantic love unless I read a true story or see a good drama. I am okay with that. Because when you stop looking true love finds you. And true love can be anything. Thinking back over the novel "Under the Tuscan sun" how Frances said she wanted all these things to happen in her house. That I see as what true love is. A bit of joyous happiness.
Call me a romantic or a silly woman but I comprehend that there are layers in every word, in every color and texture. That is the benefits I have from growing into the person I am. The good, the bad and the very different. Yet every part of me is me. Even the blackest of ugly, I am still me searching. I have to learn from it all.
That is probably why I am so unusual, complex and so irritating. Yet I am smart in my depth I grasp. I can't expect people to understand me. I only ask Jehovah to. That is the ONLY approval I ask for now.
It took a while to learn that on my own. And still so many more days to listen and apply what is given. At the very least it is the sloth moments but in the very best I am the cheetah. So I don't mock how people grow but make sure you are growing, learning. For once you stop it is time to say all the good byes. Sailing into sleep.
Strange perhaps but just the tip of the iceberg. Every day is a new step. You can join in on the learning and regrowth or you can move along. Either way it doesn't matter to me but don't you dare try to stop me from reaching out.
Indeed. The night is gone. Drifted into the early morning darkness. Yet I am so calm. So peaceful. Such a grandness. Thank you Jehovah.
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