Sweet bliss, indeed
Things get hairy when you go back to think about the older days and you realize that life back then wasn't really living in any form. You were just walking through this haze that seems like the ideal life yet you don't even dare hope to recall much except your spiritual journey.
That is the kindness in the memories because now you have grown and you don't see the past people to be irritating anymore. It is more that you are sad with what they chose and yet you are happy that you no longer exist in their minds.
Sounds very depressing but it really isn't. The fact that your face is looking at the beauty of the sunrise where the past was the sunset. Even those days where you go places that once were combined with those others, you see yourself not drowning in the recollection of old happiness but that of the shining and growing strong with your own steps.
I can't expect many to understand my ways much less accept the way I took to get here but the fact that I am not even looking back. The fact that I am going towards the goodness in the sunlight without fear of knocking down someone, or putting in my mind a sordid contaminant of worry. There is no need for that. All I saw was myself always trying to please. How does that help anyone but drown me further?
I have learned that I deserve better than being a second choice. Better than being just a permanent friend to someone. Sure I hope for a relationship but truth be told I think I would destroy all ideas of anyone getting close.
I have learned that my life is better without anyone particular driving me to be their better half. As for the theory that I would be good to someone, sure I would think upon it but as an old friend said to me once, seven years ago, I would end up killing that person. So in truth my independence is better. Not in the aspect of defiance but that of not being completely wilting, submissive.
I am all for those women who are admitting they need a man to complete their lives. In fact I hope them to do well. Yet I have no interest to be undervalued for my life. I have done that well enough for a long time. Sadly I have hurt myself in so many ways. For that, I have to give gratitude to many people for the being on that route with me.
But..
No more. I have ruled all those degrading ideas from my head. Even driven the people out of my life. And much to my dismay I have really uprooted the ones that I thought would be alongside of me for a distance. Sadly that is where you learn the depth of yourself. That is where you grow and find out just how capable you are.
And as much as the road seems rocky and shadowy you still manage to see the good in the whole big picture of life. As much as you wished to hold onto that person, that moment, you still see that life is better now.
So sure I have my low moments. Sure I haven't been too creative in the last month or so. Sure I haven't done an inch of what I am supposed to be doing but you know what, I am doing just fine.
This rocky road soon becomes a smoother path. Eventually getting to grass and maybe even sand. That is the way I have to look at life. Certainly not letting those gross, hairy things attack me any longer.
All that used to be a heavy concern about those who you once thought were important in your life, fades. Even the fact that when you really see that you weren't important enough in their lives. Even more so when all the emotions hit you like a ton of stones. The sigh. The cries. The low, uncomfortable feelings that overpower you. Making you think you won't see the glimmer of hope.
And yet..
One day you do.
Every day grows thinner. The once thought of importance to look or even glimpse over your left shoulder dies down to nothing. This is the grandness, the kindness in fading memories. This all happens so that next time you go to a familiar spot, you can make a new memory. You can say I am capable of skipping through life.
Indeed it is just that simple joy that you hear inside your calm mind, inside your soft smirk and deep inside your burning spirit. That is all you can ask for. Your new day. The new memory.
A grand passageway to open your eyes, your mind and your heart to listen so your spirit grows stronger. So that your willpower is great. This is that love, that blessed kindness of truth. Now that is what helps you soar.
So next time, just nod or say thank you. Its easier to move forward when you look at those who were once so important, now just strangers on the sidewalk.
Sweet bliss indeed.
That is the kindness in the memories because now you have grown and you don't see the past people to be irritating anymore. It is more that you are sad with what they chose and yet you are happy that you no longer exist in their minds.
Sounds very depressing but it really isn't. The fact that your face is looking at the beauty of the sunrise where the past was the sunset. Even those days where you go places that once were combined with those others, you see yourself not drowning in the recollection of old happiness but that of the shining and growing strong with your own steps.
I can't expect many to understand my ways much less accept the way I took to get here but the fact that I am not even looking back. The fact that I am going towards the goodness in the sunlight without fear of knocking down someone, or putting in my mind a sordid contaminant of worry. There is no need for that. All I saw was myself always trying to please. How does that help anyone but drown me further?
I have learned that I deserve better than being a second choice. Better than being just a permanent friend to someone. Sure I hope for a relationship but truth be told I think I would destroy all ideas of anyone getting close.
I have learned that my life is better without anyone particular driving me to be their better half. As for the theory that I would be good to someone, sure I would think upon it but as an old friend said to me once, seven years ago, I would end up killing that person. So in truth my independence is better. Not in the aspect of defiance but that of not being completely wilting, submissive.
I am all for those women who are admitting they need a man to complete their lives. In fact I hope them to do well. Yet I have no interest to be undervalued for my life. I have done that well enough for a long time. Sadly I have hurt myself in so many ways. For that, I have to give gratitude to many people for the being on that route with me.
But..
No more. I have ruled all those degrading ideas from my head. Even driven the people out of my life. And much to my dismay I have really uprooted the ones that I thought would be alongside of me for a distance. Sadly that is where you learn the depth of yourself. That is where you grow and find out just how capable you are.
And as much as the road seems rocky and shadowy you still manage to see the good in the whole big picture of life. As much as you wished to hold onto that person, that moment, you still see that life is better now.
So sure I have my low moments. Sure I haven't been too creative in the last month or so. Sure I haven't done an inch of what I am supposed to be doing but you know what, I am doing just fine.
This rocky road soon becomes a smoother path. Eventually getting to grass and maybe even sand. That is the way I have to look at life. Certainly not letting those gross, hairy things attack me any longer.
All that used to be a heavy concern about those who you once thought were important in your life, fades. Even the fact that when you really see that you weren't important enough in their lives. Even more so when all the emotions hit you like a ton of stones. The sigh. The cries. The low, uncomfortable feelings that overpower you. Making you think you won't see the glimmer of hope.
And yet..
One day you do.
Every day grows thinner. The once thought of importance to look or even glimpse over your left shoulder dies down to nothing. This is the grandness, the kindness in fading memories. This all happens so that next time you go to a familiar spot, you can make a new memory. You can say I am capable of skipping through life.
Indeed it is just that simple joy that you hear inside your calm mind, inside your soft smirk and deep inside your burning spirit. That is all you can ask for. Your new day. The new memory.
A grand passageway to open your eyes, your mind and your heart to listen so your spirit grows stronger. So that your willpower is great. This is that love, that blessed kindness of truth. Now that is what helps you soar.
So next time, just nod or say thank you. Its easier to move forward when you look at those who were once so important, now just strangers on the sidewalk.
Sweet bliss indeed.
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