Settled rules
I settled here thinking of being all nice and demure but to realize I am far from that. Not a cat nor a hussy but that of a fierce woman with a mission.
I no longer am capable being just sweetness and pure kindness. No it is earned. All parts of involvement in my life is earned.
I tried to be the biggest pushover while trying to help several people only to realize I destroyed who I was as a person. I learned the hardest way too. The hopes all the way to the end. Only realizing I just still was not demure enough.
So stripping off that kind little nice female and back to my old self. Yet better.
And indeed I don't need anything to be happy. I have me. I have my memories and I have nature. I can't think of anything that would give me better results.
But if there are people who are trying, wonderful.
Yet.
It will be this hard task to tackle and most back down so fast. Not because I am difficult but the fact I only give little parts of me. Not the whole thing.
Over years I have learned some good and bad things. Still I absorbed and accepted whatever it was and carried on. Projecting or progressing to whatever or wherever I needed to be. That is my difference towards others.
I have a hard shell. Only 2 people have EVER cracked it. One is dead and the other I will never talk again to, decision theirs.
And I accepted all that is there. Making my life a new track. Somehow many say I will drop and fail but apparently their information has cracks in it. I am capable of so many things but resorting to high school charades and petty games to claim rights to a person, never.
I don't play games. That is rule number one. If you thought I played you, so wrong.
Rule two is you like me or you don't. There is no in between. No need to treat me like a crazy bitty and then a friend the next to whatever pleases you.
Rule number three is if you dare to open the locks on my spirit, mind and heart you best damn well be prepared for the darkness as well as the emotional. Including the bright light I shine and the tears of joy I have.
Yet that would mean someone gives a hoot. Not asking anyone to. Gave out on any body. Just relying on Jehovah and my strength he gives me.
As for my weirdness, just who I am. Sadly some get confused or terrified by it. Just keep on trekking along. I won't stop you and certainly won't beg you to linger.
So sure I sound sure of myself. Just is that I have standards and look above the laws of life for something better. Perhaps that offends or irritates some. Not my problem.
So here is to my journey. Even for those who dare to join me on the pathway. I congratulate you for stepping up.
Let us talk. Let us have good company. Let us walk on a trail and just begin as real friends. Hmm. Life is possible,somewhere.
This I am sure of. Unique. Mysterious but indeed a rollercoaster. Join if you want.
We will see.
I no longer am capable being just sweetness and pure kindness. No it is earned. All parts of involvement in my life is earned.
I tried to be the biggest pushover while trying to help several people only to realize I destroyed who I was as a person. I learned the hardest way too. The hopes all the way to the end. Only realizing I just still was not demure enough.
So stripping off that kind little nice female and back to my old self. Yet better.
And indeed I don't need anything to be happy. I have me. I have my memories and I have nature. I can't think of anything that would give me better results.
But if there are people who are trying, wonderful.
Yet.
It will be this hard task to tackle and most back down so fast. Not because I am difficult but the fact I only give little parts of me. Not the whole thing.
Over years I have learned some good and bad things. Still I absorbed and accepted whatever it was and carried on. Projecting or progressing to whatever or wherever I needed to be. That is my difference towards others.
I have a hard shell. Only 2 people have EVER cracked it. One is dead and the other I will never talk again to, decision theirs.
And I accepted all that is there. Making my life a new track. Somehow many say I will drop and fail but apparently their information has cracks in it. I am capable of so many things but resorting to high school charades and petty games to claim rights to a person, never.
I don't play games. That is rule number one. If you thought I played you, so wrong.
Rule two is you like me or you don't. There is no in between. No need to treat me like a crazy bitty and then a friend the next to whatever pleases you.
Rule number three is if you dare to open the locks on my spirit, mind and heart you best damn well be prepared for the darkness as well as the emotional. Including the bright light I shine and the tears of joy I have.
Yet that would mean someone gives a hoot. Not asking anyone to. Gave out on any body. Just relying on Jehovah and my strength he gives me.
As for my weirdness, just who I am. Sadly some get confused or terrified by it. Just keep on trekking along. I won't stop you and certainly won't beg you to linger.
So sure I sound sure of myself. Just is that I have standards and look above the laws of life for something better. Perhaps that offends or irritates some. Not my problem.
So here is to my journey. Even for those who dare to join me on the pathway. I congratulate you for stepping up.
Let us talk. Let us have good company. Let us walk on a trail and just begin as real friends. Hmm. Life is possible,somewhere.
This I am sure of. Unique. Mysterious but indeed a rollercoaster. Join if you want.
We will see.
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