Surviving

Who would have guessed that I could survive without certain people in my life? Yet did anyone bother to ask why any one person was there?

No.

The assumptions roll in and the reality left so long ago. So much of my mind says it doesn't matter anymore. Yet the drumming inside my heart understands why it all DID matter.

And now..

All is gone. Surprisingly I am struggling at times and others I am have the strength of many women.

Today?

I am only me. I have what weighs in my mind. I have the questions. I have all the hopes and dreams. Then I just shut the door.

Closing out the wonder. Repeating in my mind if only I have just been quiet or just said "tell me more". Instead I spoke my emotions.

As many say you live and learn from the trials and heartache. It is true.

I just immerse myself in my work, painting or writing to forget all those yesterdays.

So today is another day where I stay positive. One day will be mine, completely. Unhinged by the thoughts of my memories.

It's the best way a woman can go forward even when at times she just wants to sit in the doorway of yesterday.

Surprisingly, I doubt in any instance would I put myself to be found in the same store much less same driveway.

So today, sure I am holding on. I just had hoped truth in real friendship held on. And now I exhale before tears sting my eyes.

Getting ready for work I look into the horizon and see possibilities.  Endless and beautiful.

One day. Hmm.
But today is just maintaining me.