Zoning
So much of me wants to sleep for I know I have to get something in the way of zoning. A long 10 hour day tomorrow.
The stress of trying to eliminate the news rattling in my head. Putting more lists of what needs to be done by January.
So much to put in order yet I have to forget just to stay focused on getting funds to help defeat this monster. Yet parts of me just wants to curl in a ball and die.
And with that being said I push myself passed that moment. Just keeping my head up so that the bad fades into darkness quickly.
Some parts of me really, truly are abnormal. Nothing seems to maintain any consistency. Why?
And I can't let myself drown in that thought. The sigh,that falls between rushed breaths, just has to slow down me even more.
Changes are constant and the soul deteriorates a bit but the mind maintains this sharpness. So keen.
All I can do is just let go. The night can give no release until I close my eyes. Just allowing myself this peace to pull me close.
Then give thanksgiving to Jehovah for this day he gave me. To be brave and silent for one more overturn.
Indeed it has to be what I do. Continue on in solitude and find my way through the dense forest awaiting me.
And that is how I have to be. And prepared to smile even though I am painfully walking. Not a façade but a part of life.
I don't ask for pity. I only ask for a glimpse of understanding the depth of my situation. Dire but I am still living.
Surviving. First stages can be changed if caught at the right time.
A prayer I hold. And now I have closed my mind. Demanded myself to just shut up.
Go to bed. Fall asleep. Rest. Recover. Keep going strong.
Never forget those you love to show them the real you. The real depth of how honest and raw you are. I wish I had.
Now. No more tears please.
Sleep. Dream. Good times. Love. Laughter. Hope.
By saving hope. Please. I really hope.
The stress of trying to eliminate the news rattling in my head. Putting more lists of what needs to be done by January.
So much to put in order yet I have to forget just to stay focused on getting funds to help defeat this monster. Yet parts of me just wants to curl in a ball and die.
And with that being said I push myself passed that moment. Just keeping my head up so that the bad fades into darkness quickly.
Some parts of me really, truly are abnormal. Nothing seems to maintain any consistency. Why?
And I can't let myself drown in that thought. The sigh,that falls between rushed breaths, just has to slow down me even more.
Changes are constant and the soul deteriorates a bit but the mind maintains this sharpness. So keen.
All I can do is just let go. The night can give no release until I close my eyes. Just allowing myself this peace to pull me close.
Then give thanksgiving to Jehovah for this day he gave me. To be brave and silent for one more overturn.
Indeed it has to be what I do. Continue on in solitude and find my way through the dense forest awaiting me.
And that is how I have to be. And prepared to smile even though I am painfully walking. Not a façade but a part of life.
I don't ask for pity. I only ask for a glimpse of understanding the depth of my situation. Dire but I am still living.
Surviving. First stages can be changed if caught at the right time.
A prayer I hold. And now I have closed my mind. Demanded myself to just shut up.
Go to bed. Fall asleep. Rest. Recover. Keep going strong.
Never forget those you love to show them the real you. The real depth of how honest and raw you are. I wish I had.
Now. No more tears please.
Sleep. Dream. Good times. Love. Laughter. Hope.
By saving hope. Please. I really hope.
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