Clumps

When you realize just how real things are getting it kind of shakes you to the point of tears. Never really took into consideration just how much cancer and losing your hair really does sink in.

I just didn't want to let it be true. Yet here, this morning I lost clumps of my hair. Thankful I was in the shower so the tears could be washed away. And still I got out of the shower with my head held high facing the facts that life isn't what I expected it to be.

And as much as I have yet to explain to people I still was thinking about the possibilities of being free. Though time will tell and all I can do is hope.

Leaning into all that I have and can do, I am grateful. This is the positive parts of my situation. Right now all I can do is hope the best for all those around me.

And right now all I can say is life has been one grand ride. Not ready to give in just yet. Too much for me to look forward to doing.

So taking my careful steps I am facing the fact that my hair has to be cut shorter, my skin is going to become more pale but above all I will still have a smile.

And every day to my move back home, is one more day I get to learn and say thanks.

Though in the morning today, seeing the clumps of hair just made me see that I am by far weaker than I thought. Yet I am stronger just by admitting it.

So sure I am not feeling a good point today. I maintained my smiles for many but my tears tickled my corners of my eyes quite a few times.

And as much as I would like to say everything is fine, it is not. Yet I am here today, alive. Living and breathing so I am making the most of my situation.

So good friends have a grand day. Hug those you truly love for you do not know how long they are with you.