A request

I lay my head back and stare at the ceiling. Daring myself to take the glimpse out my window. And still the motivation says no.

Holding onto a moment where life and laughter echo throughout the time. Where life began to take me on a ride. The allowances of decisions burst open this last request. 

Yet as much as I want to make the words known my throat closes them back down. No voice will be heard here. Just the silent typing of a keyboard.

And the request? Long since has just made me cackle at it. The delight of just allowing the mind to forgo saying a word.

Indeed the intrigue is there yet there is not one person searching for the answer. So I just maintain my quiet state and dissolve any idea of really opening up the lines.

Clearly the spirit is rested and assured. The mind is the spit fire going through hoops and still remaining in the darkened peace. 

My request is quite silly to many but to me, a great importance. Yet I say nothing because whenever I mention things people go haywire, blocking or sending hate things. And yet I still have found that I am not the problem.

Maybe once I was, long ago. Yes a few months was a while ago. Just think the new year rolls around and I have come closer to my countdown. 

And still I choke on my request. All because importance to me is breathless wind to others. Sadly I just write down my request on paper and scatter it in the wind. Polluting the air just to be heard.

Yet no one hears it. 

My sacrifice for not speaking. For not interfering and not opening to strangers. Just the wind is kissed with my words, my thoughts. All I can ask for is that the paper dissolves and the hopes fade.

Then the night flows into the morning as I realize time really did fly by. Unnoticed. Discarded. Exhaled beyond its borders. Indeed.

Then my eyes flicker back to the television and I realize time hasn't moved but my world and my thoughts have. Interesting how we lead ourselves to one place without even taking a breath. 

And here is the moment where I get up and make cranberry tea mixed with oranges. Soothing for the voice choked down inside.

Maybe tomorrow the courage and will to stand tall again is there. The need to make a loud call and be allowed to be heard throughout the breeze. One can hope. 

For maybe then, my request will be noted. Inside electronic lines. Perhaps one day someone will understand and be thankful. 

Who knows. 

Not that I will ever know.