Looking back
When you find yourself fumbling over people in your past you just kind of gotta laugh it off. Today was such a day.
Rekindled myself with a part of my past but only goodness came through. Finding out that there are just some people you don't want to contaminate the newer parts of yourself now. So even though you are kind, you find yourself standing clear but in some sort of civil way. Just to keep that peace thst was never there.
Those moments you find yourself being kind in all aspects of the situation. Whereas the old you would have been shallow, callous to fault you find no joy in being such now.
The fact that what is going on in your life right now holds a harder bargain NOT to be swayed into pettiness.
Those are the changes you find quite rewarding. The joining of reality and goals. The mention that all pressing against you outweighs what might have been.
These moments are treasured in calm, even breaths because even with the hint of pain and regret you hold, nothing compares to the challenges you face tomorrow and the days to follow.
And with that you turn this new leaf over, seeing the wick but also seeing the decay beneath. And even when the shallow, breathless times come you still are grateful that you left all behind. Thankful that life gave you dried, sour lemons but you adding water bringing life back. Seems that is how I am going these days.
Moments where shadows overtake me more often than not but I see that glimmer of hope. I have to. I am going to need that hope, the faith I have to make it through the rest of my days.
However long it is deemed.
So my first role today was to be the sister who defended one who died years before. Then I was the loyal daughter not saying a word about the tear inside of me. Then I was the companion and cheerleader.
Then I was the nurse telling myself to rest before I fade. Yet now I am the dreamer hoping for miracles, prayers answered.
Right now I am just the writer waiting to explore vivid memories and blissful dreams.
So sure looking back helps me to be grateful for these steps I am moving towards. These tiny bursts of light.
Yet all I wonder is what if I had fought for some, where would I be now?
Questions I leave behind because answers won't be found. I accept that. Plenty times in my life go unanswered and I am still moving. Awkward and gracefully. If that is possible.
So enjoy my questions. Send off your answers. Be real. Be truthful to yourself and learn to love who you have become.
I am. And 8 inches less.
Rekindled myself with a part of my past but only goodness came through. Finding out that there are just some people you don't want to contaminate the newer parts of yourself now. So even though you are kind, you find yourself standing clear but in some sort of civil way. Just to keep that peace thst was never there.
Those moments you find yourself being kind in all aspects of the situation. Whereas the old you would have been shallow, callous to fault you find no joy in being such now.
The fact that what is going on in your life right now holds a harder bargain NOT to be swayed into pettiness.
Those are the changes you find quite rewarding. The joining of reality and goals. The mention that all pressing against you outweighs what might have been.
These moments are treasured in calm, even breaths because even with the hint of pain and regret you hold, nothing compares to the challenges you face tomorrow and the days to follow.
And with that you turn this new leaf over, seeing the wick but also seeing the decay beneath. And even when the shallow, breathless times come you still are grateful that you left all behind. Thankful that life gave you dried, sour lemons but you adding water bringing life back. Seems that is how I am going these days.
Moments where shadows overtake me more often than not but I see that glimmer of hope. I have to. I am going to need that hope, the faith I have to make it through the rest of my days.
However long it is deemed.
So my first role today was to be the sister who defended one who died years before. Then I was the loyal daughter not saying a word about the tear inside of me. Then I was the companion and cheerleader.
Then I was the nurse telling myself to rest before I fade. Yet now I am the dreamer hoping for miracles, prayers answered.
Right now I am just the writer waiting to explore vivid memories and blissful dreams.
So sure looking back helps me to be grateful for these steps I am moving towards. These tiny bursts of light.
Yet all I wonder is what if I had fought for some, where would I be now?
Questions I leave behind because answers won't be found. I accept that. Plenty times in my life go unanswered and I am still moving. Awkward and gracefully. If that is possible.
So enjoy my questions. Send off your answers. Be real. Be truthful to yourself and learn to love who you have become.
I am. And 8 inches less.
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