Life bursts
So simple the mind hears the heart crying. How the words inside the world seem cruel and taunting. How does the heart and the spirit ever recover? I wondered that for a long time and then life gave me a bucket of sour lemons. Yet with trying to figure out how to dissolve the juice and the peels I found the laughter in life once more.
Clarity of what was the lesson in the whole situation. And even with the sting of the paper cuts with lemon acid I still enjoyed the smiles through the tears. Sure I have my days where the mind slips back in the darkened room to look over what, maybe, I could have done differently. Only to realize the difference is now.
There was that one reason that pressed me away from him. That life bursting but I was so subdued that the colors of who I am just wasn't cut out to be placed in his neat corners. I just would never fit. And as much as it hurt to walk away, I did just that. I hurt so badly and at times I still do. Yet even to this very striking second I am okay that I won't be his.
I shine too bright for him. I just wasn't going to be the one he chose. It hurt. It hurts. Yet that helped me grow in so many ways. And with my bucket of sour lemons I was able to know I can do things on my own. Not wondering what if I bump into him. What if I knock over something and blaze some unknown alarm, how would I appear?
See I overcame that with the news I gained just over a month ago. The sadness I held. The remorse of holding back things I want to do. Not now. Sure I am still reserved. I still have my private moments within a silent room but I am capable of growing. Even the expansion of knowing my limitations and exploiting them just to achieve multitudes of shaking ground covers. Indeed it has be a remarkable experience to be in.
And in my tearful moments when I so desperately want to be inside his arms, I remember I couldn't hold him up. I can only hold myself. And at first I fought against myself only to realize I needed to love myself. I couldn't help anyone while I was degrading myself. So then my bucket of sour lemons came and I just had to let him go completely.
My focus became how to manage just one day. How to find joy and smiles in every good and bad situation that manifests each day. Because one day I may cross his path and be grateful to be breathing the same air as him. But for now, I am grateful to be living, breathing and thinking.
I cannot ask for anything more. As for him, I hope that I get to see what friendship brings to us. But right now I am just focusing on achieving my six month goals. Even more so, making it past the first of the year.
Every time I cry, the tears are allowances that shows just how important he was to me. And he has to understand I am grateful for him. And as his past I still care for him as I friend should. Just that.
But me. I don't ask for anything. I just want to make it to the year following and gain my strength and be surprised by small miracles. The positive outcomes of a bucket of sour lemons. One day good pucker lemonade or even a poker face with vodka.
Come, we must smile and laugh because today, soon, will be another day I gained.
Clarity of what was the lesson in the whole situation. And even with the sting of the paper cuts with lemon acid I still enjoyed the smiles through the tears. Sure I have my days where the mind slips back in the darkened room to look over what, maybe, I could have done differently. Only to realize the difference is now.
There was that one reason that pressed me away from him. That life bursting but I was so subdued that the colors of who I am just wasn't cut out to be placed in his neat corners. I just would never fit. And as much as it hurt to walk away, I did just that. I hurt so badly and at times I still do. Yet even to this very striking second I am okay that I won't be his.
I shine too bright for him. I just wasn't going to be the one he chose. It hurt. It hurts. Yet that helped me grow in so many ways. And with my bucket of sour lemons I was able to know I can do things on my own. Not wondering what if I bump into him. What if I knock over something and blaze some unknown alarm, how would I appear?
See I overcame that with the news I gained just over a month ago. The sadness I held. The remorse of holding back things I want to do. Not now. Sure I am still reserved. I still have my private moments within a silent room but I am capable of growing. Even the expansion of knowing my limitations and exploiting them just to achieve multitudes of shaking ground covers. Indeed it has be a remarkable experience to be in.
And in my tearful moments when I so desperately want to be inside his arms, I remember I couldn't hold him up. I can only hold myself. And at first I fought against myself only to realize I needed to love myself. I couldn't help anyone while I was degrading myself. So then my bucket of sour lemons came and I just had to let him go completely.
My focus became how to manage just one day. How to find joy and smiles in every good and bad situation that manifests each day. Because one day I may cross his path and be grateful to be breathing the same air as him. But for now, I am grateful to be living, breathing and thinking.
I cannot ask for anything more. As for him, I hope that I get to see what friendship brings to us. But right now I am just focusing on achieving my six month goals. Even more so, making it past the first of the year.
Every time I cry, the tears are allowances that shows just how important he was to me. And he has to understand I am grateful for him. And as his past I still care for him as I friend should. Just that.
But me. I don't ask for anything. I just want to make it to the year following and gain my strength and be surprised by small miracles. The positive outcomes of a bucket of sour lemons. One day good pucker lemonade or even a poker face with vodka.
Come, we must smile and laugh because today, soon, will be another day I gained.
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