Why silence and quietness is upon me

Tiny whispers in my mind, ask questions I don't
ever voice. There is no point to contemplating the
"why's" and the "how's". Just concentrating on the
pressure of heaviness that weighs me to push
forward. I must keep in mind what Jehovah has
taught and is currently teaching me. Eventually,
in Jehovah's time, he will place the answers inside
me. I honestly believe by then the questions will
no longer be relevant.

                     What do you think?

It matters not. I just keep breathing, just keep
holding on. Walking. Working. Moving. That is
all that is necessary to keep head afloat in the
angry sea of people. If I stopped, where would I
be? Completely, utterly lost.

That is where Jehovah found me. Wandering. Slowly meandering along the path. Not doing all that I knew was right but hoping, wanting. So now Jehovah has helped me see, feel the bond of him and me. Whoever
else exists out there doesn't take Jehovah away
from me. No matter how unusual I feel I know,
confidently, that Jehovah is holding my hand.

So let me give you something genuinely from my
heart. A smile. A hug on the wind. Would you accept
that from me? Maybe yes. Maybe no. Either way
it is yours and its out there.

One day at a time. Sensible me steps up to slap
the emotional part back. I don't tell many people
my history for a good reason. For those who know
it, I am grateful for the silence. The loyalty of
how much one gives to another.

Closing my eyes, I pray to Jehovah for help. The
need to say something shakes me internally. Still
I stay silent, quietly observing all around. I listen
as Jehovah has told me to. Just being careful of
stating anything that come pull open any wounds.
I would not want to show the downpour of tears,
emotion and words upon too many for I know
that most cannot begin to handle situation.

So onto the words that burn inside my mind. Here
I play them. None make sense alone but together
the complete understanding is there. Do you
understand? This is why silence is allowed. This
is why quietness is upon me.

Standing outside in bitter coldness just to breathe.
Just to feel. Just to remember.

I thank you for giving me that freedom.

To finally be able to say who I am.

Your sister.