Crushed thoughts

All the words that crush settle at the back of my mind.
I wonder but too scared to ask.

How to get thoughts cleared up and soul relaxed
enough for some rest? Oh I pray and still all these
words, poems exit my mind to paper.

The arms are tiring and still more comes. Some days
absolutely thankful for a release and other days I
hope for a momentary piece of emptiness.

Happy that Jehovah has given me this grand talent.
Also ever grateful that my shyness is loosened on
a tablet with ink. Still a few questions rattle inside.
I don't place on paper because time isn't right.

However to think of a name causes such
overwhelming emotion I completely shut down.
Shivers spill out over skin and erupt tiny explosions
of burning down my spine. Oh how thinking, even
murmuring it brings an uproar.

How would you feel if this happened to you?

Slowly I exhale. Deep inhale. Coughing from
the tickle in throat. I slide fingers over collarbone
as I pray once more to Jehovah. Just to stop
the excitement, placing a heavy dampening
cover on it. Perhaps all will be fine, soothed.

What do you think? Will this name finally persuade
my eyes to close? Only for a few hours. To escape
into a dreamy oasis full of comforting colors.

Please, I beg, Jehovah to stop the thoughts of who
is related to this name. For the sighs and the
whimpers to evaporate.

Just lift legs to right elevation, cover with waffle
thermo blanket. Lay head against array of blue
and close eyes. Lids tight and hoping the memory
holds true and the soul stops cravings.

Help me if you can.

(Wanted to clarify this is about work and family. There are so many issues within my family that I know I can never ask how or why. So cravings refers to the want to ask nothing more.)