Would love fill a lost connection?

     A lost connection. I strive my hardest not to feel
torn. Still there I am standing. Waiting. Hoping for
what really? The reality of the world to hit like a
runaway train? So why am I still waiting?

     Oh how the point of conversation is what? Where
is my thought of the loss gone? Dear me, I only
hope that there is the choice and the one chosen
is right. Not for the possibilities of falling behind
once more.

    Oh I pray for many, least of all me. Danger lurks
everywhere and leaping on assumptions can cause
great heartaches.

     So why continue? Why persevere throughout this
period? Well definitely something I ask repeatedly
to self and the answer that is displayed is: love.

     How does love equate into this situation? How
does it trickle down to a past? Why does it do that
anyhow? Careful of what may be entertained
because could be considered wrong.

     This is why forgiveness is there. Else how could
I allow all that has transpired to keep me standing
still? Jehovah, of course. A choice of love, to love. My
choice but who shall I give it to? Who shall want to
give in return?

     Siblings of a large family yet none are close save
three. How would I ever be able to let them know?
Too careful of self because hurt is there. Possibilities
of distance that can be created. Still I hope. Still I
dream.

                        Why?

       I sit here patiently awaiting a gesture of kindness.
When, how, where? Why do I even bother to ask?

       Soon the words leap off the mind onto paper. The
questions that I strive to hold deep inside erupt from
me. Dare I ask? Dare I stay quiet? Dare I even do
anything?

       Oh Jehovah knows. He helps his daughter in her
frustrations of family. He helps me press forward
when I want to run and hide. When I want to just
scream at the irony of situations.

        Jehovah, please answer my prayers and the
questions that rumble inside my head. I know my
conscience and heart are starting to sound the same.
Oh please halt one or the other, even perhaps, if
necessary that they are combined please explain
why.

        So dear one on my mind, would you ever
be able to love more? Oh to erase that question.
Still I don't because Jehovah knows I hope for an
answer. Although still hearing, understanding that
none come. No one answers nor even beckons to
question why I ask, so here I sit.

       Blank pages fall over legs down to floor.
Realizing that just maybe the answer is there, I am
just not hearing, absorbing it.

      If that is true, how else can I feel it? What if
what is heard is nothing I expect but I am in utter
complete shock of the positive remarks? I don't
expect much. My standards of others are rather
low because of the imperfections we all bear.

     So how would you respond to me? How, what
would you say?

     All I hope for is news. For whispers only I hear.
Next to me stands the one who weighs on my mind.
Currently an empty space but still a weight, a
thought, a memory. I recall much. Hold dear. Does
that matter to you? Would loving me more be better?

     Would the void be gone if I held a smile for
             you? Would you accept all I have to give?