An emotion of tears

   Oh how the anxiety releases as soon as in car. The
method of holding together smiles. Yes happiness
is still inside me and yet something else tugs at me.

   Oh yes the heart pulls strings so severe that a
downpour exits me as soon as classical music enters
my ears.

   How to escape the emptiness I felt just in that one
moment? A façade of smiles I gave inside a room
of family. Just to run, walk fast to get out. To look, to
see if anyone saw my hurried state.

   Whew no one did. Just me in my smile. The wonder
of a smile? The hope. Dare I even ask? No. Not
for me to do so.

   Pressing forward in hopes that the evening caresses
skin long enough to exhaust sadness. To detox
soul of emotions. Of thoughts that cause me to
question everyone.

   So my family forgive me of the fakeness for now
the tears roll down paleness. All for hopes that were
broken. Still I am standing tall. Always hoping again,
for one more. A pressure I know all too well. To lay
down would be tragic and not productive at all. Also
allows Satan control of the heart.

  Dare I allow that? No. So yes my friend I had hopes.
One smile. One laugh even. Still nothing. Perhaps
that is the surprise I get for today. Silence.

  Not to worry. I can deal as I have learned. Been
taught that life gives us quirky moments of joy and
sadness. How we embrace it is the key.

   Seeing the one piece of glimmering hope causes
a whole new dream. Still does anyone dare to ask?
No.

   All times I seem as though writing in vain because
seldom there are physical or vocal responses. Just
wind I get. Perhaps that is how I am supposed to
request the answers. The wind in a prayer. If only,
why bother.

  Still I do. Perhaps wrong but I do. One day all will
be open and talking will not be any efforts gone
unnoticed. Perhaps then again.

  Oh bah. Carry on I must. Saying goodnight to
those I saw and hoped to see. Hoping one day a nice
hello will be heard.

  Until then I am patient.