Scratch the surface of black,blue markings

    I sat in my meeting tonight enjoying self immensely
when all of a sudden a memory crashed down on my
senses.

    I had to write what hit so hard. Forgetting all about
the people, the words of the Scriptures. So out of focus.
The need to write the prayer to Jehovah was more
important.

    Honestly I didn't think I was going to make it
through the rest of the evening. Excusing myself, I
got up and headed quickly to ladies room. Only a
few seconds before a river ran down my face. I do
so dislike when I cry. My face is usually all red,
splotchy and pale. I don't like people asking if I was
okay.

    I don't mind on occasion but this memory, no. I
don't want to remember but I am going to display
the words I wrote inside my book.

              Covers that hide. Black and blue.
        The markings of the hatred love of my past.
        Oh Jehovah, I pray for strength. I pray not
        to relive these moments inside such a loving
        gathering.

              Please veil my eyes of the hideous
       memory. Help me fade those days, those
       nights into a dark dungeon so I can no longer
       recall the pain.

             Please, please erase, eliminate. Turn me to
       joy. Show me the happiness I found today
       and every day from when I escaped. When
        you found me in the dank, dark hole.

              Please hide this past. This emotional
      turmoil. Oh Jehovah hide it, help me allow
      the healing.

    I tried to calm myself and allow Jehovah to take
hold of me. By the time we ended our wonderful
meeting I was ready to hightail out of the building.
Still I could not. So many people I needeed to see,
talk to.

    Arms crossed over chest to rest on waist. So
shaky still I carried on. Jehovah helped me through.
Pushing me still even as I write about it.

   So laughable the comedy that helped me out.
Someone sniffing out sweet somethings inside a
bag. Thanks so kindly for the reminder of a happier
note.

   Gracious you are to allow such a smile to spread
over my face. Helping me see a lighter, positive
thought. To be able to look back, now, over the harsh
reminder of hurt welded deep inside me and see
what I have learned and accomplished from the
experience.

   Still I wonder what could have changed the
situation, how could I have benefited from the
change then? Hindsight to be cautious for next
person. Hopeful that my warnings will help save.

   Perhaps. I close my eyes to mentally put a metal
lock over that memory. Ending the emotions felt
in the times. Slowly the heart closes and the mind
spreads.

   One step at a time. All I have to do is see
Jehovah is here for me.

    So thank you kindly for the laughs. Pulling me
out of a funk. I smile for all to see nothing hides
now. Cleared, freed of that invisible person.

    I shine. I am radiant, breathtakingly unique.
Why change for anyone but Jehovah?