Slamming shut questions

Simple is the mindset. How hard is it to change? Dare
I even ask?

Oh no. I shall not because all inside of me will be
torn again. Best to leave all questions at entrance.
Forgetting that harm they entertain.

Quietly I sigh. Irritated just a tad bit but continue
onto my thoughts. Careful on allowing heart into
some of the equation. Tricky it can be so best to nail
it to the floor. Stomping on it until exhausted. No
more "feelings" to erupt from it.

Taking a stroll downstairs I ask Jehovah to help me
keep alert from the secretive, evil people of the
world. How do I know who is who? All I must do is
look for Jehovah, no one else.

Still irritation is there but I constantly press it down,
hard. Hoping that eventually the anger subsides.

Breathing fresh air completes this task. Yes it
eliminates the irritation but not the questions. Still I
know that family cannot give answers for they are
blinded. Their desires are of money, fame. I could
care less if anyone knew who I was. Jehovah knows
me and that is all that matters. I only want to create
for me.

So how does the questions get worn out? Perhaps
by slamming shut, tightly put away in a file. One that
reads : never open. Lol. I cynically laugh. Seriously
how does one do that?

Knowing I need to lean on Jehovah. I ask for his help
because there are so many things that assault me. I
only know that I must avoid anything and everything
that tries to steal me away from Jehovah's grand
table.

Oh Jehovah help me.

Looking down. Time escapes on by. Now time to
prep for another gathering. Hoping the faces and
thoughts are uplifting. Hoping they help change
mood currently attending.

Hmm another sigh and off I go. Separating self once
more from questions that rage deep within me.
Heating my mind, my memories and screaming in
my thoughts.