To my child

To sit down and discuss with you the reasons, well,
that should be found at the right time. I don't want
to have you make judgments now. I hope for you to
live your life from a child to an adult with all
compassion around you.

One day, when time feels right, I want you to
approach me once again. I know you will because you
are my child. Then I will explain, answer all your
questions.

I have no intention of stabbing anyone from a
negative comment. I know you have heard your fair
share. I only want you to finally be able to see how
far someone drags a person to be so completely
unaware how closely their death is lurking.

Sometimes we have to go separate ways. Leaving
EVERYTHING behind. Yes it is so hard but life
depends on it. For me, yes, it was necessary.

Life I was experiencing had taken such a twisted
route that I didn't believe I was really worth anything.
Not even being the dirt on mud in the crevice of a
shoe. To degrade a person so low such as that, is
so very wrong.

Yes, my child you saw me in anger but you also saw
me in extreme love over you and your sister. You
may only remember the anger, but that is okay. I
don't expect you to recall anything positive about me.

You asked me last time we spoke, why I never
speak about then or that of whom you live with. All
I could say to you was that you were still too young
to comprehend all that I have to say. You would
be too judgmental of both parties and I didn't want
that. I know when you get older the questions will
weigh in your mind. I will pray that you don't let
it eat away at you. That holding a grudge or
containing yourself in hideous anger does not happen.
I pray so hard, so long. You will never know but
I do.

Yes you also saw the pain in my eyes when I parted
from your company. Yes I did not cry because then
you would too. I hold much in for a reason.

Someday you will come to know and understand
why.

All I want you to remember is that I loved you the
day you entered my life until the last breath I take,
you will be on my mind, in my prayers and weighing
down my heart with love.

I love you both.