A changed person

Softly I whisper a song I sung as a child. Recalling
my childhood and the tomboy that stood out.

So wild but so gentle. How could I be both, I ask
Jehovah. Oh how could that same loving, kind,
generous child be me?

So different. The laughter, the happy go lucky child
gone, erased into this serious woman. How did I
get this way? Life, experiences and misunderstanding.

So much has been trained into me. So much has
weighed me down. How does one move forward? Oh
oh the strength I gained from Jehovah to press on.
The drills of just getting up and starting over. Ah such
teaching have instilled such grand techniques and
still there is so much more to learn, achieve and
absorb.

Jehovah teaches me brand new things. New ways of
applying what was taught as a child, now into this
adult life. Such simplicity and still I didn't know how
to use it.

Moments to recall the giggles that erupted from
inside a child are silenced as an adult. That loving,
young girl switched to stone, icy demeanor. Was it
intentional? Perhaps. How else does one move
without scarring?

Oh look aside from what you see now. Try to imagine
this hard woman as a carefree child. At times I am
certain it is so hard to visualize but it is the truth. I
did once behave respectfully but wild. I used to be
so contrare and overjoyed by such silly things. Now,
life experiences have taught control of such
behavior. So difficult at times to know that all will
be okay if I allow some silliness to soak inside. No
need to be so prim and proper, contained all the
time.

Each day is a new step. Learning that life choices
are better now, that Jehovah helps me see,
feel things I forgot existed for several years. How
grand it is to just step outside and breathe. To
enjoy not having to explain why I went outside for
a breath of air. Why sometimes silence is the most
calming thing to me. Certainly I had seconds, minutes
to self but always I felt as though I was cheating
someone else out their precious time. Always
putting everyone else, happiness and all, before
me.

Jehovah saw his child fading away. A block of
stone smoothing down to a tiny grain of salt,
eventually to crumble. Sure what step I took, made
many question my intelligence, question my loyalty,
but what of the lost person, what of the young
girl, now woman? Where was she supposed to be,
invisible to all? Dirt to many? Where??

Yes, I even cry at times for the choice I made but
to, finally, say I am human again is truly amazing.
To say that Jehovah found me, drew me and is
currently teaching me once again. This is the most
opulent feeling I have had in over a decade. Was
I not supposed to be here? Jehovah can answer
that in due time, if you pray to ask him.

Thankful every day to the seeds that were dropped,
to the words given that made thoughts arise.
Thankful to the people Jehovah placed in my life. This
is truly one of the most extravagant experiences I
have ever prayed for. So to those who planted,
were placed: you were noticed. I did listen. I am
learning. Even now I am absorbing. Giving sincere
thanks.

All to you. Yes you all know who you are. Now a hug
and a pat on back from me and Jehovah for
listening, obeying and applying directions.

Smile. Be happy. For I know I am now there.
Knowing I am able to smile without feeling of
guilt of being carefree, loved and extremely happy.

Thank you.