Wind
I have looked over my braided ropes and have found where error can slip inside. And even looking at those gaps in the wind I just watch as the strands fly.
Not caring where the feathers go to but just ready to be unravelled. I have endured so much in just a short year that I am beginning to understand how Job felt. Not on the essence of negativity but that of stregthening.
I have come to know who I am and who I don't ever want to be again. And I have felt shame, guilt, heartache, turbulence and fear. But above all I have felt freedom, love, hope and lots of joy. In those darkest moments of expressing my head I see the glimmer of happiness developing wider spans.
And as every day has its ups and downs I recall back on the day I heard my worst. It was the hardest thing to do, calling an old friend - A speck in the wind- to get checked. Yet that wasn't my worse news. My tears drowned me for a month.
I died. Yet I walked.
And then I picked myself back up. Today I had a good day. My mind wavers over many things and the only thing that lingers is just how much of a storm I am. I am tattered like the cloth in the wind but I am still worthy of work.
I am still usable.
And as the wind wears me down and sun tans me I still find the joy, the light in the roughest of times.
I take you back to that speck in the wind. I know I mean nothing to it but I hold a special piece in my mind. And as I move forward day in and day out I still ponder over that speck. Yet that is part of me.
And even when that speck in the wind did nothing, I hadn't expected anything. I hoped. I prayed. Then I let it all go.
Not once was I defended and that hurt. But, but I was well aware I didn't merit. I never had. That is the change. That is the recognition I had. I was worth something but not to it.
Sadly as pathetic as I used to be, I would have begged for attention but I was wise. I let go. Today I stop to look at the photos and I smile. Giving thanks to Jehovah for giving that speck to me once. And for helping me walk away.
For I learned just how strong I am without support of humans, just God. That is one remarkable experience. And you know what, I learned that walking BACK into a hall is the scariest thing. Not bumping into people I used to do service with.
Oh how I thought I'd continue the barges of heaving but I found out that was from the cancer. Long story short is that when you pull through all that on your own, you realize the only one you can thank is Jehovah.
Today I am relaxing in my library chair, gold wing back, enjoying a movie and reading over a few status statements. Hoping the best for friends, even the speck in the wind. And as I read up I just have to remember the remarkable memories made.
That is my night. Nothing special. No dinner out. No drink in delight. Just a smile.
A pea in a pod, I am. You be what you want. Be my friend or hope good things. Otherwise just bow out slowly and don't even darken the dimming stars.
And yet I hope you linger as my friend, as my family. But all I can do is connect to who I am and those who chose to be near me.
Be well.
Not caring where the feathers go to but just ready to be unravelled. I have endured so much in just a short year that I am beginning to understand how Job felt. Not on the essence of negativity but that of stregthening.
I have come to know who I am and who I don't ever want to be again. And I have felt shame, guilt, heartache, turbulence and fear. But above all I have felt freedom, love, hope and lots of joy. In those darkest moments of expressing my head I see the glimmer of happiness developing wider spans.
And as every day has its ups and downs I recall back on the day I heard my worst. It was the hardest thing to do, calling an old friend - A speck in the wind- to get checked. Yet that wasn't my worse news. My tears drowned me for a month.
I died. Yet I walked.
And then I picked myself back up. Today I had a good day. My mind wavers over many things and the only thing that lingers is just how much of a storm I am. I am tattered like the cloth in the wind but I am still worthy of work.
I am still usable.
And as the wind wears me down and sun tans me I still find the joy, the light in the roughest of times.
I take you back to that speck in the wind. I know I mean nothing to it but I hold a special piece in my mind. And as I move forward day in and day out I still ponder over that speck. Yet that is part of me.
And even when that speck in the wind did nothing, I hadn't expected anything. I hoped. I prayed. Then I let it all go.
Not once was I defended and that hurt. But, but I was well aware I didn't merit. I never had. That is the change. That is the recognition I had. I was worth something but not to it.
Sadly as pathetic as I used to be, I would have begged for attention but I was wise. I let go. Today I stop to look at the photos and I smile. Giving thanks to Jehovah for giving that speck to me once. And for helping me walk away.
For I learned just how strong I am without support of humans, just God. That is one remarkable experience. And you know what, I learned that walking BACK into a hall is the scariest thing. Not bumping into people I used to do service with.
Oh how I thought I'd continue the barges of heaving but I found out that was from the cancer. Long story short is that when you pull through all that on your own, you realize the only one you can thank is Jehovah.
Today I am relaxing in my library chair, gold wing back, enjoying a movie and reading over a few status statements. Hoping the best for friends, even the speck in the wind. And as I read up I just have to remember the remarkable memories made.
That is my night. Nothing special. No dinner out. No drink in delight. Just a smile.
A pea in a pod, I am. You be what you want. Be my friend or hope good things. Otherwise just bow out slowly and don't even darken the dimming stars.
And yet I hope you linger as my friend, as my family. But all I can do is connect to who I am and those who chose to be near me.
Be well.
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