Hear my silent questions

I try so hard to not understand people. Some days I want complete silence and other days I want vibrant noise. But today I just wanted my voice to be heard. Yet even I couldn't hear it.

Still I am cautious what I say. Forward in the thoughts of what I would like to accomplish. Deep down there is a light flashing, perhaps even a camera clicking. Still my silence is here. 

I just listen to the melodies in my head and carry on throughout the day. Dare I ask for someone to talk to me. Even if just in a stare down? 

Yet what do I ask for, really?  Who do I ask? Seems as though only Jehovah is listening and he is the only one I should be asking to help me. Honestly I miss bouncing my ideas off friends. Yet I know I am the reason why there are no friends around me.

And as I sit here rambling on and on over things, perhaps only in my mind, I am clearing out parts of me. This need to empty all that is weighing on me. 

Still what EXACTLY is this weight? 

A bittersweet note or maybe a chilling revelation. Who knows. I sigh in finding no real settling but know that when I search for the answer something is given. So have application towards subjects roles will be shown.

Whether or not I understand completely isn't the issue. It's more of the question am I the one for the job.  And yet I cannot ask anyone, human, because they can only give scenarios that I have already researched. 

So I just relax. Exhale. Proceed with the night in all new possibilities.  Unhinging the roar inside of me.  Putting all energy into finding my dreams and goals in front and all around me. That is the best I can do for now. 

So yes I wanted conversation but because of my actions the words I have are only heard by Jehovah . That is going to be the only way I will persevere in all my actions. 

Slowly the tension disappears and life is winding down. My questions are fading and my excitement is increasing. Yet I am completely calm. 

The biggest boost is that one day my answers will be given. Maybe not in the way I am thinking but that is not a bad thing. 

Just keep drawing closer to Jehovah, as I should. One day. One day. Questions will be answered. Patience until then .