Scared of myself

I used to be so ashamed to wear a dress at my knees that showed even the slightest of leg. Not because of religious purposes but because I was so scared of my own body.

I didn't want to be looked at so I became an unflattering looking person. Only time some saw my curves or legs was through jeans. 

Even today I am a little hesitant to wear this dress but it lands right at my knees and I have on boots so the coverage is there.

See I am well aware of how my body is. I know I am not a skinny person and I am not one that is too curvy that I cause attention. Yet I know I have what would cause a man to look. So I try so hard to be modest or even prudish. 

It was an extreme I maintained because I didn't want attention. Yet even when I tried to focus on not being pretty or cute I still ended up that way.

So today, since I am well aware of my body and what it does I remind myself that my mind is in control. And not to be thankful of curves but spirituality. 

And today I feel radiant because I am growing once more, spiritually. Fully aware that my body does harm and I try to keep it hidden. 

Yet I cannot hide forever. So today I am muted but not unaware. 

So smile with me as I look to Jehovah and feel proud to have him as a teacher. 

My steps are with him. In due time life will revolve 100 percent around Jehovah. Right now I can say 75% of it does. That is a huge improvement since last year where I didn't even put in 15%. Sadly I lost my spiritual qualities and all means to want to be like that.  

Yet many changes can happen in a year. Keep moving forward and life will increase in goodness as I cling to Jehovah's words. 

Hmm. I sigh in relief.