Errors and choices
In so many ways I errored in life. I made wrong choices, maybe even for a justified reason. Still they were wrong. And I have kept going.
Moving along with the currents and finding my place, wherever I may fall.
Today was just on a beach. Standing helpless, in a way, opening my heart and mind to Jehovah. Exhaustion overcame me but the courage of speaking out about all that has bothered me, remarkable.
I must say those months of true therapy really helped me. To face my choices and to face my assaults. All I have to blame is myself. Even for being the wrong person in the wrong place and the wrong time .
I realize no child expects that horrible things can happen but they do. My only choice was taught to me by my mentor, my grandfather.
Truly I could have chosen to be a mud dweller and whine about all part of my life that destroyed pieces of me. Made me the sad, broken woman I should have been.
But the best thing he taught me about cruelty is not to let it run your life. You can either become cruel or you can fight it. He said fight it.
Coming from him truly meant something deep. He chose to live above the alcoholic father, abusive adoptive mother, the hateful treatments of beating and severity of reform school when he did nothing wrong.. He could have turned out like his father. Yet he CHOSE to be different.
And that is one thing I always gained from him. If you survive the ordeal, it's because God protected you and now you must go forward, do good.
Even in my wrong choices in life I still know good was done. Whether it was to open up the can of worms already about to burst or if it were expecting worse to hit me. Nevertheless I was prepared.
In my wrong choices I found the right way to do things.
And now, everything I gain from Jehovah is because I want, I need .
And inside my spirit, where I still struggle on issues I am grateful to know I was different. I made an impact. Good or bad it was something I am capable of surviving.
See I have survived monsters and have come this far. Yes I made a string of wrong choices and really bad decisions, justifying everything for a want. Yet I have learned greatly from this error.
Still I am growing from it. And as I sit here smiling, I realize one day my choices will be under the protection of Jehovah once more.
And as much as I push forward, surviving and relying on Jehovah and the bible to keep my decision good, I know I am still capable of great error. And I welcome the discipline and correction. For this is how I can refine my principles and life to Jehovah's standards.
Soon my errors will be gone. Perfection will be here and peace will be resting inside of my spirit.
What better choice to go for is that, than the hope of everlasting life in Paradise?
I hope soon. Only Jehovah knows my heart. And I keep praying and hoping.
Moving along with the currents and finding my place, wherever I may fall.
Today was just on a beach. Standing helpless, in a way, opening my heart and mind to Jehovah. Exhaustion overcame me but the courage of speaking out about all that has bothered me, remarkable.
I must say those months of true therapy really helped me. To face my choices and to face my assaults. All I have to blame is myself. Even for being the wrong person in the wrong place and the wrong time .
I realize no child expects that horrible things can happen but they do. My only choice was taught to me by my mentor, my grandfather.
Truly I could have chosen to be a mud dweller and whine about all part of my life that destroyed pieces of me. Made me the sad, broken woman I should have been.
But the best thing he taught me about cruelty is not to let it run your life. You can either become cruel or you can fight it. He said fight it.
Coming from him truly meant something deep. He chose to live above the alcoholic father, abusive adoptive mother, the hateful treatments of beating and severity of reform school when he did nothing wrong.. He could have turned out like his father. Yet he CHOSE to be different.
And that is one thing I always gained from him. If you survive the ordeal, it's because God protected you and now you must go forward, do good.
Even in my wrong choices in life I still know good was done. Whether it was to open up the can of worms already about to burst or if it were expecting worse to hit me. Nevertheless I was prepared.
In my wrong choices I found the right way to do things.
And now, everything I gain from Jehovah is because I want, I need .
And inside my spirit, where I still struggle on issues I am grateful to know I was different. I made an impact. Good or bad it was something I am capable of surviving.
See I have survived monsters and have come this far. Yes I made a string of wrong choices and really bad decisions, justifying everything for a want. Yet I have learned greatly from this error.
Still I am growing from it. And as I sit here smiling, I realize one day my choices will be under the protection of Jehovah once more.
And as much as I push forward, surviving and relying on Jehovah and the bible to keep my decision good, I know I am still capable of great error. And I welcome the discipline and correction. For this is how I can refine my principles and life to Jehovah's standards.
Soon my errors will be gone. Perfection will be here and peace will be resting inside of my spirit.
What better choice to go for is that, than the hope of everlasting life in Paradise?
I hope soon. Only Jehovah knows my heart. And I keep praying and hoping.
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