Now I only observe as a teacher

I fell in love with a man who untouchable. I lived deeply inside this hope that he one day would be mine only to find out I was one currency he could drop or exchange with another. It was sad that I allowed my emotions to get inside a relationship. But only he called it a friendship.

I finally got passed that.

When the friendship restarted I wasn't stupid. I kept my distance because there were new girls who were being trained into this friendship he wanted with them. I watched as they were groomed. I watched as they fell, just as I had. I watched as he moved onto another and leaving them crushed.

Now the story of a woman with girlish dreams of this nice, wonderful man, in reality a charming jade, has become bitter.

Yet I only stand in the sidelines. I watch as they fall. I watch as he moves on. I watch as he claims they are drama and crazy.  Forgetting that he groomed them to be crazy in love with him, a part of his charm.

Yes I watched. I remembered my grooming. Now worst of all is I see myself being hated by those now shunned or tossed. Yet did they ever wonder why I watch?

I have been here. I have been in their shoes.  I even gave the allowance of constant forgiveness. At best I only feel sorry for those who get tangled in. For their hopes and dreams squashed by a jade. But I have warned. I have understood.
Yet I cannot be blamed for their closed ears and minds. That is only part of the grooming.

I only wonder if they can live without you after all this grooming or if they will hate this jade charmer you are.
See me, no. I feel sorry for the cycle you go in. I learned long ago that my place in your life was just the minimal. As shocking as it was to break it was also the breathtaking moment I was free of the grooming.

I could look back and see just how much of a lonely person you are. Just how much you really hate yourself. For the facts that you just can't walk alone. Not even for a few weeks. It is drilled into you that companionship is vital for you to survive.

That is my only hope now. That I can help you learn that as a jade you can be a charming, nice man. That you can be independent and go solo without conversation with females.

But in order to do that, you have to see me as a teacher not a friend, not even a crazy ex. Oh what a task that would be for you.

See I still love you. Not in the way of the grooming. Yes I do so love talking to you, and would love a phone call.

Yet I don't wish to speak of our past. I am only here to help you see your potential as a single person.
Yet that would be hard for you.
Ah and here I am the one you push away. Constantly.

I have seen the darkest, I have seen your light and I have seen your hopes. But what am I to admit to you? Nothing because I only watch.

I am just observant.

When you are ready to learn real independence let me know. For I will expect you will finally listen to my words, as I will know that task is a great trial for you. No. I mean no harm.

I just want to see the jade finally free of the grooming of hate of self. I just hope to see the joy on your face before I let go completely.  Turning my back and knowing I did complete the job I was sent to do.

So push me away. I am still standing here. I fade from your memory but I am not erased. When you are ready for help, I am here.

As for those being groomed, wait. He is a good man. Just believe me when I say there is no love of self within his mind. He needs that to fully love you. And to keep you close.

Time. Push him away if you have to but don't beg for him to be more. It will only cause him to say you have too much drama. No woman wants that label.