A fine whisper
In my days of full alert, I still whisper your name. So softly as though the breath from my lungs died. The lightness evaporates and the eerie silence quakes the very soul of me. The spirit halts just momentarily.
Why would I say your name? Why would I vividly dream of your arms? Why would I dare ask for a conversation? Why is the need of your emerald greens staring me down, so important?
Am I frightened by the necessity I once had? Is it the emotions I gathered from then? Is it the hope not to disappoint you ever again?
What?
Is it the answers of never being good enough for your advances? Yet no. None of that matters. Its the thoughts of comfort. It is the hope of one day a hello. It is the waiting.
But. Yet. Not even that. Its the passion. Its the freedom to dig into my spirit. Its the importance of the commands you bark. Its the softness of a smile.
But.
I know I will not have that. So I just whisper your name. Say it as I fall to sleep. Closing my eyes to a day finished. I am allowed that. No importance interfering into your life.
Its the reason why I keep moving. Just to say in a whimper. A gravelly undertone. No hint of negativity within. Just kindness.
A gentle sigh to follow.
A freedom to take the change and own it. So I expanded myself only to break from you. I still see times of laughter, times of heartache and times of cruelty. Yet I still sigh. Knowing those are days running alone.
I can deal with that. I have done so before and have strength to do it again. So even though you were a tickle in my mind and I whispered your name. The flashes of greens and a weird smile came running through my thoughts. I still can see my steps as my own. Solo.
Just how I am.
So I can see just the breath of a name can calm. Its a gentle kindness to behold. My sleep bares my spirit and the smile I curve is just for you. But you won't know of it. And that is okay.
Just how life is going to be.
Just fine.
Why would I say your name? Why would I vividly dream of your arms? Why would I dare ask for a conversation? Why is the need of your emerald greens staring me down, so important?
Am I frightened by the necessity I once had? Is it the emotions I gathered from then? Is it the hope not to disappoint you ever again?
What?
Is it the answers of never being good enough for your advances? Yet no. None of that matters. Its the thoughts of comfort. It is the hope of one day a hello. It is the waiting.
But. Yet. Not even that. Its the passion. Its the freedom to dig into my spirit. Its the importance of the commands you bark. Its the softness of a smile.
But.
I know I will not have that. So I just whisper your name. Say it as I fall to sleep. Closing my eyes to a day finished. I am allowed that. No importance interfering into your life.
Its the reason why I keep moving. Just to say in a whimper. A gravelly undertone. No hint of negativity within. Just kindness.
A gentle sigh to follow.
A freedom to take the change and own it. So I expanded myself only to break from you. I still see times of laughter, times of heartache and times of cruelty. Yet I still sigh. Knowing those are days running alone.
I can deal with that. I have done so before and have strength to do it again. So even though you were a tickle in my mind and I whispered your name. The flashes of greens and a weird smile came running through my thoughts. I still can see my steps as my own. Solo.
Just how I am.
So I can see just the breath of a name can calm. Its a gentle kindness to behold. My sleep bares my spirit and the smile I curve is just for you. But you won't know of it. And that is okay.
Just how life is going to be.
Just fine.
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