Just listen
I have come to see myself as void of feelings. Oh not because I am heartless or have no sympathy. I know it is because I have done so much and put so much effort into people that I am just null in having anything to do with them.
People in general. A role I play in my line of work but another part of me too. Just quiet but refreshed.
Gathered here listening to squeals of tires on a pavement. Engulfed in the serene existence. Making my lists mentally then onto paper so nothing gets forgotten.
Least one is now scratched off. One by one the list gets smaller when I realize half of it is gone. No need to have this appeal to do any sort of answering for that part. In fact let me just start a new page.
It's kind of nice to have the silence and then to listen to the bustle outside. A sense of going forward and growing. I can't ask anyone to understand. Just how it is.
Looking into the horizon the dark clouds scream a release and yet none is given. The maddening clouds unleash yesterday inside of me. And boy did I rain. I matched my cardigan for majority of the day. Yet it was good to put to use the emotions. Placing them into my work.
And now. No emotions but the expressions of a slight smile. Even the tinge of pressure in my head. Yet I know that is because of the storm that raged inside of me yesterday. The acknowledgement that I was finally releasing everything.
Never was the need greater. And I found it. No everyday I have is mine. My prayers finally are being answered in the best ways ever. This is simple gratitude I have for the Grand Creator, Jehovah.
Finally pinching out all that weighed down on me. Finally no more secrets. Finally no need to tread lightly on the sake of maybe one girl or another I bumped into. See now I have no need of anything.
I can go where I want and be anywhere. If I offend anyone I will never know. Though I would not go out of my way to be annoying. Nor that of being pesty.
In my past, before I learned the truth, I found that revenge was sweet. Then I learned that the revenge or "justice" I wanted isn't mine to give. Throw all your burdens on Jehovah.
And I have done that. And this is why I managed to survive even this worst experience. Because I am capable. I know how to move forward. That is why Jehovah searched for me and even allowed me to follow my course.
As much as I hurt Jehovah for one man, Jehovah understands. And that is rewarding.
I can't expect people to understand me. Only Jehovah needs to do that. One day I will be ready to return. Just not now.
And so this quiet room I sit in, windows down and just listening. Letting my mind empty all the words so the tension frees me.
Indeed I am all good. Life only gets better now. Just how I have to see it.
A new me emerges from the ashes. This is a good gift from Jehovah. And as kind and loving as Jehovah is, I hope one day I am indifferent. No sorrow and no concern. In joy and contentment.
People in general. A role I play in my line of work but another part of me too. Just quiet but refreshed.
Gathered here listening to squeals of tires on a pavement. Engulfed in the serene existence. Making my lists mentally then onto paper so nothing gets forgotten.
Least one is now scratched off. One by one the list gets smaller when I realize half of it is gone. No need to have this appeal to do any sort of answering for that part. In fact let me just start a new page.
It's kind of nice to have the silence and then to listen to the bustle outside. A sense of going forward and growing. I can't ask anyone to understand. Just how it is.
Looking into the horizon the dark clouds scream a release and yet none is given. The maddening clouds unleash yesterday inside of me. And boy did I rain. I matched my cardigan for majority of the day. Yet it was good to put to use the emotions. Placing them into my work.
And now. No emotions but the expressions of a slight smile. Even the tinge of pressure in my head. Yet I know that is because of the storm that raged inside of me yesterday. The acknowledgement that I was finally releasing everything.
Never was the need greater. And I found it. No everyday I have is mine. My prayers finally are being answered in the best ways ever. This is simple gratitude I have for the Grand Creator, Jehovah.
Finally pinching out all that weighed down on me. Finally no more secrets. Finally no need to tread lightly on the sake of maybe one girl or another I bumped into. See now I have no need of anything.
I can go where I want and be anywhere. If I offend anyone I will never know. Though I would not go out of my way to be annoying. Nor that of being pesty.
In my past, before I learned the truth, I found that revenge was sweet. Then I learned that the revenge or "justice" I wanted isn't mine to give. Throw all your burdens on Jehovah.
And I have done that. And this is why I managed to survive even this worst experience. Because I am capable. I know how to move forward. That is why Jehovah searched for me and even allowed me to follow my course.
As much as I hurt Jehovah for one man, Jehovah understands. And that is rewarding.
I can't expect people to understand me. Only Jehovah needs to do that. One day I will be ready to return. Just not now.
And so this quiet room I sit in, windows down and just listening. Letting my mind empty all the words so the tension frees me.
Indeed I am all good. Life only gets better now. Just how I have to see it.
A new me emerges from the ashes. This is a good gift from Jehovah. And as kind and loving as Jehovah is, I hope one day I am indifferent. No sorrow and no concern. In joy and contentment.
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