Complexity
As right and wrong the fine line blurs when it was us. The demented and the cool. The warmth and the sandalwood. A calming of how simple yet complex life could be in one setting. Too much drama. Too much curiosity. Too much cravings. Too much jealousy. Too many evenings of quiet.
Sure I sound like the crazy bats that belong in the puffed white rooms. Yet I am just a woman. I have attached many levels of emotions. I can be scared and happy in the same instance. I can be passionate and cold in the next. I can be fierce and fragile. It is just how I am. I am all or nothing. Never really anything in between.
I can see how that would discomfort quite a few people. It is either you like me or you don't. Yet even the answers may hurt and cut me I still can deal with each one on its own. I have learned I am not a easy to swallow cup of tea. I am so complex that I could be poisonous as well as delicious. Sadly there is not just one way I could be. With that I know I have lost plenty of people. I have grown to learn I am severely complicated.
That can take a toll on people but the rare few can wrap themselves deep within and thrive. I haven't met many who can. So that is a barrier I have with the ordinary simplicity of some. I would like, some days, to be boring and ordinary. Less browsers opened but I know that I would be completely dying inside if I were such.
Confusion is what happens to many. So many say to me that I am so hard to understand or read, yes. Yet ever just peel back a level and see the different layers in one setting? NO? Well welcome to the empty spots of friends on my list.
Not entirely a bragging right but more the fact well stated. Most can't see past my outer shell. That is a thickness I have built well over the years. Probably the reason why I annoy or irritate so many people. To be more specific it has the reasons of trust issues, seeing passed imperfections and allowing people to take a sledgehammer to my wall. It is the hardest part.
Yet I did let one person take a glimpse. Probably the saddest moment of life. Yet I just gotta push through it. Kindness in being trampled on. You learn so much and let go. Building stronger the wall. So much that it shows no penetration. Which in the long run can actually ruin your well being. Leaving you feeling completely alone and dying.
As much as I am building up the wall again I leave room for cracks in the mortar. The strength is there but the ability of those to reach out and see me, the real core of me, is possible. Yet who is allowed? I really don't know.
I don't want to be too independent but don't want the weaknesses of my soul to be charred either. So where does the medium come into play? Who knows. Not many people are branching out to look inside my hazy window. Nor are they out to ask questions why I am this way. It just tends to be labelled something. Tossed and broken.
I suppose that is the way some have to see something too complex and deep. It is a sadness. Yet those who dare to look for ways, look for answers more spots are opening. The digging is there. The reward is great. Just have the patience and understanding that I am truly a wonder. And I do have many twists and turns. Yet why be scared of that, but to embrace and love all parts.
I am asking too much, I suppose. Yet I don't back down from challenge either. Some do. But that is okay. I understand I am too much for some. I comprehend that like you would not believe. Hmm. Yet would you get it?
Sure I sound like the crazy bats that belong in the puffed white rooms. Yet I am just a woman. I have attached many levels of emotions. I can be scared and happy in the same instance. I can be passionate and cold in the next. I can be fierce and fragile. It is just how I am. I am all or nothing. Never really anything in between.
I can see how that would discomfort quite a few people. It is either you like me or you don't. Yet even the answers may hurt and cut me I still can deal with each one on its own. I have learned I am not a easy to swallow cup of tea. I am so complex that I could be poisonous as well as delicious. Sadly there is not just one way I could be. With that I know I have lost plenty of people. I have grown to learn I am severely complicated.
That can take a toll on people but the rare few can wrap themselves deep within and thrive. I haven't met many who can. So that is a barrier I have with the ordinary simplicity of some. I would like, some days, to be boring and ordinary. Less browsers opened but I know that I would be completely dying inside if I were such.
Confusion is what happens to many. So many say to me that I am so hard to understand or read, yes. Yet ever just peel back a level and see the different layers in one setting? NO? Well welcome to the empty spots of friends on my list.
Not entirely a bragging right but more the fact well stated. Most can't see past my outer shell. That is a thickness I have built well over the years. Probably the reason why I annoy or irritate so many people. To be more specific it has the reasons of trust issues, seeing passed imperfections and allowing people to take a sledgehammer to my wall. It is the hardest part.
Yet I did let one person take a glimpse. Probably the saddest moment of life. Yet I just gotta push through it. Kindness in being trampled on. You learn so much and let go. Building stronger the wall. So much that it shows no penetration. Which in the long run can actually ruin your well being. Leaving you feeling completely alone and dying.
As much as I am building up the wall again I leave room for cracks in the mortar. The strength is there but the ability of those to reach out and see me, the real core of me, is possible. Yet who is allowed? I really don't know.
I don't want to be too independent but don't want the weaknesses of my soul to be charred either. So where does the medium come into play? Who knows. Not many people are branching out to look inside my hazy window. Nor are they out to ask questions why I am this way. It just tends to be labelled something. Tossed and broken.
I suppose that is the way some have to see something too complex and deep. It is a sadness. Yet those who dare to look for ways, look for answers more spots are opening. The digging is there. The reward is great. Just have the patience and understanding that I am truly a wonder. And I do have many twists and turns. Yet why be scared of that, but to embrace and love all parts.
I am asking too much, I suppose. Yet I don't back down from challenge either. Some do. But that is okay. I understand I am too much for some. I comprehend that like you would not believe. Hmm. Yet would you get it?
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