Early morning
I woke this morning early as I suspected but with a sigh of not pretending anymore. I no longer had to look like I cared about anyone.
See as I looked over all the possible reasons and emotions why I felt like crying and the small sudden thought was people believed I was jealous of others. Sadly I wish that had been true. Alas no.
In order to feel some jealousy you have to care about the man. I lost all feelings for any man two years ago. I just didn't see any thrill in it. Not to say I am going towards the other side either. Nope.
I played a lot of games to try to make one man like me. So much so that I truly lost myself.
It is good to have me back. Sure I wonder about where I am going but it's not my steps to lead. I am choosing but I know my life isn't my own.
No wonder it took so long to see it.
For that purpose I have really dug into myself. Praying that life really shakes me. Yet I am not rushing it.
See the differences.
Yet I expect none to really notice. That is for me to realize. I am okay with that. Keeping to myself and meditating over things that bring me joy.
I allowed so many things. Even those wrong choices pollute my life. Now taking back what I need.
And if you think I am jealous or was no. Just sad.
Why?
You know why. But let's just leave that with yesterday.
So good to wake up and not be needing or wondering if today is the day you felt obligated to speak to me.
All this blessings just for me. And I am grateful. I finally get to experience my joy again. Grateful I no longer have to be the toy of the day or morning.
Simple pleasures can just be sitting in darkness watching the sun rise. I daresay bliss.
My cracked lips and dry throat smile. Not wide but it's a fresh start.
Now time to pick up and go. Life is good. Jehovah was right all along.
Some children don't want to admit their fathers are right. Yet I thanked Jehovah for being patient with me. And more so that I walk in weird steps but I know I am safe.
It's all good now. Time to go.
See as I looked over all the possible reasons and emotions why I felt like crying and the small sudden thought was people believed I was jealous of others. Sadly I wish that had been true. Alas no.
In order to feel some jealousy you have to care about the man. I lost all feelings for any man two years ago. I just didn't see any thrill in it. Not to say I am going towards the other side either. Nope.
I played a lot of games to try to make one man like me. So much so that I truly lost myself.
It is good to have me back. Sure I wonder about where I am going but it's not my steps to lead. I am choosing but I know my life isn't my own.
No wonder it took so long to see it.
For that purpose I have really dug into myself. Praying that life really shakes me. Yet I am not rushing it.
See the differences.
Yet I expect none to really notice. That is for me to realize. I am okay with that. Keeping to myself and meditating over things that bring me joy.
I allowed so many things. Even those wrong choices pollute my life. Now taking back what I need.
And if you think I am jealous or was no. Just sad.
Why?
You know why. But let's just leave that with yesterday.
So good to wake up and not be needing or wondering if today is the day you felt obligated to speak to me.
All this blessings just for me. And I am grateful. I finally get to experience my joy again. Grateful I no longer have to be the toy of the day or morning.
Simple pleasures can just be sitting in darkness watching the sun rise. I daresay bliss.
My cracked lips and dry throat smile. Not wide but it's a fresh start.
Now time to pick up and go. Life is good. Jehovah was right all along.
Some children don't want to admit their fathers are right. Yet I thanked Jehovah for being patient with me. And more so that I walk in weird steps but I know I am safe.
It's all good now. Time to go.
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