Keys
Find the key of the mind. Ring it thoroughly throughout your life. Find that life is quiet now.
Entertaining as I can hope for I am limited to the idea of how I could possibly persuade anyone to hear my words. I could sit and hope that the screams inside my head are heard throughout the waves of silence. Yet I know that they do not make a sound.
I could rake all the demanding words into poems and yell at people. Yet that does no justice for what I have been told all these years. I just sit here with no intentions of letting anyone in anymore. No need to allow the mind to be raped. Much less the heart to be torn to pieces.
It matters not that the eyes cry over and over. Yet they do. And still the silly hellos and good mornings role in. Tell me why? Why does the first two hours of your day have to involve me? Explain to me why you come and tell me all these tidbits about these little joys in your day? Is there some sort of nasty gratification you have to include me? A bit of sorrow you feel inside that demands you to give Poor little Mary some piece of you?
And why bother?
I know I mean nothing. I know I have been quite a bit of an afterthought. Then after the thoughts are gone you are casper. Unseen. Was what I said or what you had to say so important that you could finally feel like you could live again?
Mentally that is a severe killer. I know how I let you stay out of my mind. Sure I may rant about it but it is more of the third person analogy. I don't see myself as that person you have to say something too. I am just the convenience that others were not awake to hear. I know that. Because as soon as the general public awakes I am toast. I am the one that you don't want to talk to.
I see that as the reality. And the kicker is that, I always knew that.
Even more so is the fact that I let you talk. I rarely answer right away. For to make you wait is demanded inside of me. In fact that it is the way I can just let you see that I don't think of you first thing in the morning. And certainly not the last bit of the day either.
My mind thinks all day long. Most times is over the stupid things you do and say. Like the selling of things when in reality it was given away. Even more so is the claims of being or doing something and reality is that not an ounce of truth is in what drips from your lips.
So yeah I stay quiet a lot. I just don't see the need to involve people in my daily grind. No sense in involving people when they really are not going to listen much less respond after a certain time. I am who I am and you thought including me in the train you are conducting would make me feel better. I think it only helps you feel better.
Because I have learned lots about things. Yes things.
And I have built who I am now on what I have ingested. I have learned that I can stand on my own and I don't need to have certain ones in my life. Because the cycle of the routes are all too familiar and it just isn't a train ride I want to take.
Only way I would allow myself to step on that train is if my promises given would pan out. La. And still they haven't. And am I surprised by it, no. You can't keep your promises to me. That would mean a form of commitment and you are terrified of that idea. Except to those who are clueless to much.
So I am as gritty as I come now. To say otherwise you would have to feel tormented as I did in my past. I laugh that you could possibly feel anything real for anyone. Even those you give baubles to. So no I don't need. I can be just content with me.
If that is hard to believe then see if you can remember those promises you made to me. I betcha you can't remember one.
Entertaining as I can hope for I am limited to the idea of how I could possibly persuade anyone to hear my words. I could sit and hope that the screams inside my head are heard throughout the waves of silence. Yet I know that they do not make a sound.
I could rake all the demanding words into poems and yell at people. Yet that does no justice for what I have been told all these years. I just sit here with no intentions of letting anyone in anymore. No need to allow the mind to be raped. Much less the heart to be torn to pieces.
It matters not that the eyes cry over and over. Yet they do. And still the silly hellos and good mornings role in. Tell me why? Why does the first two hours of your day have to involve me? Explain to me why you come and tell me all these tidbits about these little joys in your day? Is there some sort of nasty gratification you have to include me? A bit of sorrow you feel inside that demands you to give Poor little Mary some piece of you?
And why bother?
I know I mean nothing. I know I have been quite a bit of an afterthought. Then after the thoughts are gone you are casper. Unseen. Was what I said or what you had to say so important that you could finally feel like you could live again?
Mentally that is a severe killer. I know how I let you stay out of my mind. Sure I may rant about it but it is more of the third person analogy. I don't see myself as that person you have to say something too. I am just the convenience that others were not awake to hear. I know that. Because as soon as the general public awakes I am toast. I am the one that you don't want to talk to.
I see that as the reality. And the kicker is that, I always knew that.
Even more so is the fact that I let you talk. I rarely answer right away. For to make you wait is demanded inside of me. In fact that it is the way I can just let you see that I don't think of you first thing in the morning. And certainly not the last bit of the day either.
My mind thinks all day long. Most times is over the stupid things you do and say. Like the selling of things when in reality it was given away. Even more so is the claims of being or doing something and reality is that not an ounce of truth is in what drips from your lips.
So yeah I stay quiet a lot. I just don't see the need to involve people in my daily grind. No sense in involving people when they really are not going to listen much less respond after a certain time. I am who I am and you thought including me in the train you are conducting would make me feel better. I think it only helps you feel better.
Because I have learned lots about things. Yes things.
And I have built who I am now on what I have ingested. I have learned that I can stand on my own and I don't need to have certain ones in my life. Because the cycle of the routes are all too familiar and it just isn't a train ride I want to take.
Only way I would allow myself to step on that train is if my promises given would pan out. La. And still they haven't. And am I surprised by it, no. You can't keep your promises to me. That would mean a form of commitment and you are terrified of that idea. Except to those who are clueless to much.
So I am as gritty as I come now. To say otherwise you would have to feel tormented as I did in my past. I laugh that you could possibly feel anything real for anyone. Even those you give baubles to. So no I don't need. I can be just content with me.
If that is hard to believe then see if you can remember those promises you made to me. I betcha you can't remember one.
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